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decided to get a new skin. seems more like me i hope? hahs. gotta be really goody for a long while. at least until my parents get off my back. according to my mum, ive got a warped mind. not to mention weird ideas PLUS i go to undesirable places. interesting huh. my parents must have been snooping around my room. seesh. i need privacy, at least in about 1 yr time i would be able to get just that, when im happily living in hostel. till then.. now i'll have to make sure i hide all my weird stuff away from them then. seeesssh! and its off to church for my every sunday now. at least if i can wake up in time tt is. hopefully i wont be sent for sum christian counselling course. lols

today was a bad day. period. well at least half of it is solved. at least i hope so. seesh. anyway i got a painful arm and i didnt get to donate. apparently my vein on my right arm isnt straight. right. the nurse realised tt when i kinda screamed as the needle was in. she felt super bad coz she didnt check my left arm which vein was perfectly straight. uh huh.. so thats a biological explaination as to why im bi. HAH! so im not straight yet not so not straight.okay i guess im gg slighty crazy. and im gg to have a sore arm, not to mention a badly bruised one. please make tml a better day. at least im gg to eat sakae with sum of the baddy ppl. i dun think i can take it any more. rarr!

oh god! this cant be good. after a nite of clubbing at cocolatte with sam,amanda n yq im aching all over and plus ive got a headache. i have no idea why my neck seems to hurt the most and there like bruises on my body. okay maybe i dont want to remember. ahaha. it was fun, well at least tt's wad i can still rem. alcohol makes u fuzzy. i sweared not to club for another mth at least. and then i get an sms fr jaipei that there's a "my kind of party" at thumper every 1st tues of the mth. like its not her kind. hah.

dance today was good. hot i would say. sumhow dancers always manage to be attractive in one way or other. hmm... wldnt life be much simplier if everything were well defined. if u feel like 35% of longing,40% happiness and 25%attracted u would be defined as being in love. see so much simpler! i wish life would be like a well written script. then i wld noe how im supposed to react, how im i supp to feel and wad im supp to do. it would be like: turn to page 16 line 24, say hi to so and so stare at book etc etc then again if life were like this where would the excitement go? life's seriously s paradox. i can think of so many instances where one thing is shunned upon yet w/o it life would nv be the same.

listening to sociology i realised tt in order to understand it one needs an open mind. one critical enuff to question the common conception, accepting nth as the absolute truth. i think my personal struggle with this is basically religion. being brought up since my childhood yrs in christian family, attending sunday sch since like 6 inevitably has instill some of the principal christian values in my head. many of which are absolute truths.the bible for one is taken to be the absolute truth. however as i grew up i realised tt it can be interpreted in many ways. since it is written in such an in direct way, it absolute truth is hard to decipher. in sociology or other schools of social sciences, many of the theories of thought do not agree with what is taught in christianity. and altho i do not consider myself a church goer anymore, i still feel attached to god.an illustration would be a person who likes to study but doesnt like gg to school and doesnt believe totally in what is being taught there. and the conflict is what i have learnt in church and what i want to try to understand and believe in. life's full of contradictions isnt it?

an interesting quote fr a book i read. "when a man looks at a woman and sees only somebody to go to bed with, he is seeing her in relation to a fulfillment of some need of his own and not as a woman at all. its like looking at cows and thinking of roast beef." hilarious but meaningful. interesting to note that this quote was made by a man and not sum feminist. in a totally seemingly unrelated note, i tot i was destined for nus but now im considering ntu's arts and sosci. it offers a more intimate degree course i think. more time to discuss issues but less scope coz there are less lecturers. oh great if i go to ntu id be studying in the middle of sum jungle. and maybe the ppl there are less open and outgg as nus. if u get wad i mean.

just came home from belle's birthday dinner. suddenly on the way there, when i was walking with sulin belle and amanda i felt so uh.. i dunno how to say also. it was as if i wanted to hug all of em. lol. in a crude way of puting it. anyway i think i ate way too much today. prawn mee soup, wanton mee, half a mee pok and about 2 servings of rice plus good food, is all too much for me if i want to stay within my weight limit.

recently ive started listening to acid jazz/ lounge music. really nice music to chill out to! and argh, my back's killing me. btw i got a lighter with a naked woman pic. do i exude such a chee ko vibe? well for its worth, i had a blast shoving it in various ppls faces, forcing em to take a peek at the u noe where of the picture. ahaha

i laughed at the world. and for the same reasons, it laughs at me. sometimes i feel that my life is one big, sick joke. i can just sense that god is somewhere laughing at me right now.

omg some things are really so true!
Rising Sign is in 16 Degrees Cancer
Very sensitive by nature, you prefer to be in your own familiar surroundings. Cautious and conservative, you make changes in your life only very slowly, if at all. You do not open up easily to strangers. Friendships are made for life, however -- once given, your trust is forever. Your mother, your home as a child and your early family life in general are very important to you. You are also very sentimental. When you feel self- confident, you are gentle, giving and protective of the needs of others. But when you feel insecure or threatened, you become overly sensitive to criticism, shy, withdrawn and moody. You have a strong need for security -- in the sense that you are being loved, nourished and protected.

Sun is in 05 Degrees Taurus.
You are known for being patient, slow moving and careful -- you love to prolong and savor enjoyable times. You appreciate and need comfort, ease and warm surroundings. Be careful of a tendency to become placid and self-satisfied and to overeat (especially sweets). You require strenuous situations in order to grow and mature properly, even though you try to avoid them. Affectionate, even-tempered and slow to anger -- when you do become emotionally upset, you are also slow to forgive and time must pass before your calm returns. You demand real results from any situation -- abstractions are very difficult for you to comprehend. Very artistic, your hands love to mold and shape things. You portray an earthy, physical sexiness that others find quite seductive.

Moon is in 18 Degrees Leo.
You always want to be proud of yourself and will never do anything that will make yourself look bad. You need the respect and admiration of others and enjoy attracting attention to yourself. Everything you do tends to be self-emphasized and self-exaggerated. Very stubborn, willful and independent yourself, be sure to allow others who are close to you the similar right to "be themselves." Your need for love, affection and reassurance, and your tendency toward vanity, allow you to have your head easily turned by flattery. The more insecure you are, the more you tend to be a showoff. You love games and sports as a matter of fact, you would usually rather play than work. Be careful of a tendency to be snobbish and uppity -- it does not become you.

Mercury is in 10 Degrees Taurus.
A slow and careful thinker, you like to present ideas visually and concretely. Abstractions are quite difficult for you to understand. For you, everything must be practical and useful in order to merit your attention. You are a perfectionist -- you enjoy being skillful enough to handle the dexterity required of fine craftsmanship. Cautious and conservative in your thinking, you are very slow to change your opinions. You are more apt to respond to an appeal to your feelings than to an appeal to logic or reason.

Venus is in 18 Degrees Gemini.
You are friendly, warm, open and tolerant toward others. You love variety in relationships, indeed you may even prefer to maintain more than one relationship at a time! Very witty and humorous, you have the ability to amuse and please others. This makes you quite popular. You love to play the field and thus find it difficult to settle down and make any deep emotional commitments. Your innate charm and vivacity makes you welcome most everywhere you go.

Mars is in 12 Degrees Aquarius.
Your ideas and opinions are usually inventive and original, but sometimes they are merely eccentric and offbeat. You are altruistic -- you will work hard for the attainment of group goals, as long as they meet your high standards. You tend to resent traditional authority figures because you think that your ideas are better thought out and more valuable than theirs. Very idealistic, you are a rebel WITH a cause!

Jupiter is in 10 Degrees Taurus.
Growth only occurs for you after you have found a stable lifestyle and a dependable, protective and secure environment. You are at your best when those around you provide you with a great deal of affection and support. When you feel insecure or threatened, you tend to become possessive and grasping and self- indulgent. You are an inveterate collector with an expensive preference for all the good things that life has to offer.

Saturn is in 02 Degrees Capricorn.
Very serious-minded and mature, you have the ability to take on responsibilities and to carry out important duties. You can also be trusted to be extremely practical and thrifty. A good organizer, you are the ideal one to be counted on to take a clearly defined project through to its logical conclusion. An achiever, you pride yourself on your ability to focus your attention totally on some worthy goal and then attain it.

Uranus is in 00 Degrees Capricorn.
You, and your peer group as well, seek out practical solutions to a changing society's attitudes to customs, traditions and authority structures. Your logical and orderly manner of dealing with these matters will result in permanent and carefully planned, but sweeping, reforms.

Neptune is in 10 Degrees Capricorn.
You, and your entire generation, will idealize work, practicality and the ability to attain reasonable goals. But, because you will also stress the need to be selfless and giving, you may find it difficult to attain your goals unless you have lowered your expectations on all fronts.

Pluto is in 11 Degrees Scorpio.
For your entire generation, this is a period of intense research and discovery in areas that were heretofore considered mysterious, remote or taboo. The root causes for many complex occurrences will be unearthed due to the intensity and thoroughness of the search.

N. Node is in 22 Degrees Pisces.
You're attracted to others who need your assistance. You seem to go out of your way to form relationships with those who are weak, sick, injured, addicted or troubled in some way or other. At your best you can indeed provide the relief that others need. But at times you can be victimized by those who would prey on your good nature and take advantage of you. This can lead to all sorts of negative situations -- make sure that those you assist are truly worthy of your time, energy and commitment. A little enlightened self-protectiveness on your part can make your life work much, much smoother!

wasnt particularly in a good mood aft sch today. and so aft gg to collect my medicine, i proceeded to buy $15 worth of famous amos cookies. comfort food. and as soon as i got home i just sat down, watched tv and ate my 15 bucks worth of cookies with milk. and i felt much better! =) altho my pocket was subsequently lighter

oh gosh! i cant believe im listening to sad songs. i actually dwnloaded an album entitled sad songs of the 90s. speaks for itself doesnt it? u noe how it is with sad songs. hearing em just makes u wanna cry! oh man. im such a sissy.

Your Quirk Factor: 55%

You're a pretty quirky person, but you're just normal enough to hide it. Congratulations - you've fooled other people into thinking you're just like them!

You Are a Newborn Soul

You are tolerant, accepting, and willing to give anyone a chance. On the flip side, you're easy to read and easily influenced by others. You have a fresh perspective on life, and you can be very creative. Noconformist and nontraditional, you've never met anyone who's like you. Inventive and artistic, you like to be a trendsetter. You have an upbeat spirit and you like almost everything. You make friends easily and often have long standing friendships. Implusive and trusting, you fall in love a little too easily. Souls you are most compatible with: Bright Star Soul and Dreaming Soul

so i watched the gay play yest nite. it was uh.. enlightening. i was so affected tt for about 5mins after the play ended i couldnt really talk. just super shocked. i just havent gotten over the fact that that was the 1st time i saw 2 men kissing in real life. wadeva u see in the movies is totally diff. come to think of it, i havent seen 2 girls kissing in real life too. of coz when ure kissing u cant see ureself rite. anyway, the play was great besides my shocked self. showed the effects of aids, and how longing for someone can still happen even when you've though you've moved on. i totally can relate to the 2 main charaters. altho nt the polygamy part. hah. on another note, it was really popular and the whole studio was full la. and not all where gay men. spotted sum lesbians and straight ppl too. its great to see that the play could be appreciated by everyone. be it straight gay or bi.

i came back from trg feeling super fsdfl. i dunno how to describe how i felt but it certainly was not remotely happy. so aft i bathed, i took my wallet hp and my little tin box out, before i start screaming hysterically at everything. and so i just walked and walked, with no idea where i was gg. i ended up at the beach's breakwater. it was just so relaxing listening to the waves, at that momement, i felt as if nth mattered, as if i was in a totally diff world. after god knows how long, i finally got a called fr my parents, apparently i hadnt told them where i was gg. so that was how i was forced back into reality once again. aft tonight i may have reduced my life span by a few days but at least ive found most of the reasons for my so called unhappiness[ there was no other word to describe the feeling ]. basically, i cannot, let go of the past, deal with the present and face the future. and since solutions to these cant be easily found and i dont think i can even solve them, i think the only way is to just keep running away and just grin and bear it. there's no use in spreading around the unhappiness is there? oh what a sad lil creature ive become.

oh great. i just realised tt im broke and its only the start of the month. blew 130 bucks on an external hard drive plus another 35 bucks on a play ticket. kinda excited about the play, its gona be at esplanade. hope i dun get id-ed coz its an R18 play. had a great nite out on sat with the rest altho i was practically tearing all the while coz of my dirty contact lens after which i then proceeded to take it out n throw it into a cup. must make a mental note to rub my lenses next time.