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today i watched milk. but of course, in singapore its rated r21 so i had to watch it from my laptop via a dvd from a friend. i must say, for a person who's not interested in politics nor activism, this film made me cry. sean penn's portrayal of harvey milk, the gay rights activism was awesome. in fact acting all round was great. scenes of riots really made me want to take to the streets with some banner. and i didnt flinch when 2 guys were going at it. it all seemed so natural and all the talk about not letting gays teach in school so illogical. many witty lines by milk. my fave: and how would you teach homosexuality? is it like french?

anyway, i have resigned to the fact that i am most probably going to spend next semester in singapore. alas, no hola chicka for me. dammit, i really wanted to get out of singapore, to take a break from my life here. not that it isnt good, its just that i need a change. i feel like i'm stuck in a rut, a comfortable rut. things are not progressing and i hate staying in the same position. oh wells, i shall attempt to make a change! i told myself, while watching shirlyn yesterday, that i would pick up the bass if i stayed in singapore. nimble fingers here i come! besides i can play guitar hero pretty well on normal.

godammit! its like being caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. couldn't we all just be robots, devoid of any emotions. they're just too tiring sometimes. and today, i scared away lil twin toddlers because i was in such a bad mood. i think it reflected must have on my face.

oh dont you just love the new year. and all the questions from people you see at gatherings. first there's the question along the lines of: oh so where are you studying now? oh doing what? law ah? so smart! then there's my all time fave: aiyoh, so pretty! got boyfriend anot? (no) why? (because i'm too ugly no one want) every year i use the same excuse. its worse if they ask you, when are you getting married. seriously, do i look of child bearing age? well technically i am, but in times like these, who gets married at 20! well at least this year our family gathering was at my super cool aunts house. she makes fab magaritas. somehow i always had a cup of one in my hand. comes in particularly useful when you've been asked my favourite questions one too many times. after a few drinks, we kids went up to play poker. lovely until the adults joined us.

anyway, at my zen aunts house (somehow the people on my dad's side are so much more zen, no more favourite questions from them), i learned about my feng shui for the year. apparently, january is suppose to be a terrible month for dragons. but well at least, we're almost done with january. as for february, we'd have alot of 'unwanted attention from the opposite sex'. lovely, just lovely. we'd also have alot of social interactions and suitors. i nearly choked on my soup when my sister read out the unwanted attention from the opposite sex. could i have wanted attention for once? hah. anyway study luck is supposed to be good for us. thats all thats in store for dragons if you believe in lilian too. oh, and 2009 is an excellent year for dragons. i shall go buy toto when i'm free

i wonder why my underwear size increased. now i'm a size 10. must be because of the extra muscles i've gained climbing the damn hill. ah self delusion, best kind ever. reason for me upping a jeans size in like a month? um must be the weight training. oh well, at least i've got cool levi's and a cute topshop sesame street boxer shorts. now i can finally get down to drinking all the cans of beer in my fridge. oh yea, next on my shopping list: bras. now that's one article of clothing that i wouldn't mind upping a size. however, based on current estimates...that's quite unlikely. much to my disappointment i must admit.

pineapple tarts are evil. all 82 calories of it.

oh my tata young's songs are really good to exercise to. esp el nin yo and i believe, which i worked out to, today at class. i don't know why but every time i do ab work in class i feel very inspired. like "hell yea! i'm going to get some abs". however, confirmation to the contrary will occur like 30 mins later, when i bathe. now that's what i call short lived.

anyway, i finally bought lip balm after trying not to for so long. its because i really hate things on my lip. it feels so artificial. plus i don't particularly like my lips smelling like strawberry or cherry. but since the weather has been terribly dry, i decided (after many days of picking at my dry lips) to get one. now, i wouldn't want my lips to end up like the grass in singapore, which in case you haven't been noticing, is really yellow and dry. and i wonder, why do people not like lemon flavoured lip balm? there were so many there when i bought mine. i think i sure beats any berry flavoured ones. oh wells, at least i can stop picking at my lips. however, i cant stop having the feeling that my lips feel a lil more pouty after applying it.

and while accompanying a friend to put crystals in her hair, i went to get hair extensions. but i am not lian lian. anyway, its not like i did my whole head or anything. the guy, who i assumed owned the place, tried to inspire me to get my whole head done. and so he put a whole bunch of hair extensions that were miraculously the same colour as my hair, on my head. after which he proceeded to say: ' oh so nice! you look so feminine'. eeps. well, maybe i don't want to look so femmy? im sure a gay man can understand that. maybe trying to grow my hair till my boobs isn't such a great idea after all. eeks i can't quite imagine myself with long re bonded hair. maybe with that i can join femme quest. hah.


i'm addicted to this song although, its a tad emo when you look at the lyrics. nelly furtado's voice is amazing.

today, i discovered that i am in a tutorial group that has extra readings and extra questions for every tutorial. oh god, and i'll be staying late everyday till thurs. my head hurts and i have a thousand and one things to read and stuff to do. i swear, by the end of the week, i'll prob look like crap and will be feeling like crap. so forgive me if i look a little less perky, or if my facial expression isnt one that oozes approachability because i'm mentally and physically drained and since my default face is not very friendly, any variation requires effort, of which i dont really have the strength for. seesh, even my grammar is getting bad.

cut me some slack

its been like 3 weeks and i havent found sleep. i mean deep sleep. without waking or any interrupting dreams. oh my i wonder what terrible thing i must have done to deserve such karmic hell. so pardon me if i seem a little cranky. you would too if you looked like you havent slept in days and have eyebags. i have resorted to concealer now. and do not ask me if i stayed up all night reading cases because i didnt. it would certainly have been very much more productive if i had. and since i am obsessed about doing everything in the most efficient way possible, that alone is something very hard to stomach.

and so i have been getting many solutions from friends and my parents. trust me, i even had a conversation revolving around whether i was being 'haunted' with my sis. so eric says i need psychiatric help. to which i replied, "why i'm not mad! yet." my dad asked me to exercise. and well in case he hasnt noticed yet, thats what i have been doind all the while. jp says think of relaxing thoughts. well i truly tried that last night. it didnt work. tiff said drink alcohol. well, i tried beer and it didnt work, so maybe i shall give vodka a shot(pardon the pun). and my mom, though i am sure she had the best intentions, asked me to go to a doctor to get sleeping pills. to which i replied, 'mum i think they're addictive'. and so my parents have suggested that if this goes on for more months, we'd need help. professional help. good god, i hope i dont need valium. i'm not even depressed and insane. not to mention not working.

i think its time to dig out the aromatherapy set and my old celtic cds. think along the lines of enya and the likes.

feel the burn!

today i heard the most about sex in my whole life. maybe they should teach us about the realities of life in sex education. because i damn well have not heard whatever i heard in sex education before.

and i chant: i shall not overreact, lest i burst a vessel.

oh god, i've never looked forward to shisha like now. school's been a pain in the ass, much like a straw up your nose (pardon the pun, its public law lecture tml). and its only the first week. jp better not ps me this thursday. my new mantra: i shall be zen lest i pop a vessel.

last night i had a really weird dream. it involved: a law acquaintance of which i have no idea why she would star in my dream. we'd probably haven't even spoken to each other although i am pretty sure that we are aware of each other's existence. anyway, this dream involved a confession(her's not mine), science test scores (yeah which is why its weird), me freaking out, her running away and then msging me that she doesn't have class the next day. yea i know, i woke up and went 'wtf'. sometimes i wish my sub conscience could speak in a more understandable way.

oh wells, onto more intelligible topics. i noticed an acquaintance had posted some bits of her sex life on face book. and my first reaction was: eww. seriously, i don't know why people even do that. trying to prove that you're getting some? i'll never know. anyway its disgusting. seriously, i would rather not hear any of my friend's gory sex details. however, if they insist on telling me, i'd try my best not to squirm. a friend once asked: wouldn't you like to know of your significant other's sexual past? to which i replied: hell no! seriously, what you did in the past is of no concern of mine. in fact, i think i would be adversely affected if i knew. worse, if i know the other party involved in the sexual past in question. eeps! which is probably why i would never be asking this question in the future: so, XXX, who have you fucked? ignorance is bliss, as long as i am sure i wont get an std or the likes.

i may come off as a lil narcissistic but i really love this picture of myself. come on, 'porn face' doesn't get any better than that. however, in all seriousness, no i do not watch porn. i'd prefer something with a storyline, thanks.


and famous amos cookies are simply orgasmic. only no nut chocolate chip though. ok this joins the ranks of run and raisin ice cream.

oh my, justice kirby is gay! not that i could tell from reading his judgements. i just thought he had a very weird name which reminded me of a japanese manga character.

and omg school's starting! no more sun tanning and gymming. no more afternoon lunches with the people i love and no more outings at whim. yea yea, i know i had t easy aleady, people have already started school. but still! well at least i've got fridays free (wala on thur night's now more possible). but ive got class till like 8.30 pm on tues. which means me walking down the stupid hill in the dark. which reminds me, oh god. i have to resume climbing that stupid hill. there's only one thing that beats climbing up the hill in the hot afternoon sun, and that climbing up that damn hill in the rain. oh wells, looking on the bright side(which i seldom do): calf muscles here i come!

session 2 of amore fitness: kardio sculpt. never ever assume that since you're 20 and have been gymming that you're really fit. sure your arms may be a lil more toned than the woman on the street but in this class, you're a loser. aunties will be laughing at your deflated form on the exercise mat as u struggle to lift a 2 pound weight. look on dejected as everyone else does abs exercises with ease while you lie on the mat screaming bloody murder. (i likened the pain in the abs to that of childbirth) and i did scream bloody murder with a lil fucks here and there. but thank god the music was loud enough to mask our groans. and the instructor of the class was soo fit. incredible. she's really small sized but i swear her whole body's full of muscles. that's easy to see since she was wearing teeny tiny exercise shorts. the kind i wouldnt be caught dead in for fear that people may be induced to puke when they see what will be spilling out of the tiny shorts.

oh and i am out of the emo closet. there are several kinds of emo and i realised that i am one of them. with the help of my sister of course. more well known emo(personally i think its stigmatized too), is emo that's: omg cut my wrist, write sad poems and count the tear drops. my emo is simply being emotional, but repressly so. often things bug me much more than i let show. to the point that i sometimes think i may have perfected the stiff upper lip of the english. so i can most often be seen with a detached, non-chalent expression. so i may have more in common with the english that i thought.

yours truly has been having insomnia and/or restless nights. i take a really long time to get to sleep and when i do, i end up with dreams that leads me to wake up a few times a night. and god, its been like a few weeks already. i've been getting less than 6 hours of sleep. and its the holidays. wonderful. it must be my conscience telling me to do something that i've been procrastinating for the longest time. oh wells, we'll see how long this sleep thing drags on.

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the milky way
And tell me, did venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find

as you can see i love songs with questions. anyway, i forgot to mention that i have officially progressed from a beef burger to a Philly cheese. still not club sandwich standard yet, but i am working on it. maybe i should stop eating whatever i want and cut down on lard. and omg! i am convinced that beer is the culprit that is preventing me from going past 2 paks! but low calorie beer's shitty. and normal beer's just too good to give up.

and dont ask how i screwed up instant soba, but i did. somehow it doesnt taste as gd as outside. even though i am very sure that most places use instant soba too. argh. however, there's this jap place at the basement of paragon that makes their own soba. and its well, really really good. as a soba lover, i give it my stamp of approval. ah finally, one indulgence that's not unhealthy.

a few hours ago, i witness my first wedding proposal. to the song 'with arms wide open' some more. maybe it was the beer though i hate to admit it, but it was a lil sweet. just a lil. kinda makes me wish i'd get to have that someday. but in reality, that'll probably never happen. well not here anyway. oh wells.

anyway, on a lighter note, i thought of a new pick up line! remember the old pop song 'brimful of asha'?



there's a line that goes: everybody needs a bosom for a pillow, everybody needs a bosom. and so the pick up line goes: everybody needs a bosom for a pillow(sung to the tune of the song), care to be mine? (referring to pillow of course). *the author shall not be liable for any injury resulting from the use of this pick-up line* anyway the song is v 90s. i like!

so i am a little emo. just a little. and i keep it to myself. and its usually paired with a large dash of cynicism. and a pinch of idealism. mix all of them together in a large mixing bowl. bring the mixture to a boil then add in passive and aggressive in the proportion of 5:1. after that, add in paranoia and spice 'think too much'. be very generous. then dump everything into the oven set at 500 deg. now now, does that sound like a recipe for success.

dont know passive aggressive? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive-aggressive

It was a strange reaction
for someone like you to remain so sure
And in a chain reaction
I dissolve and break and then away I crawl

light at the end of the tunnel? i'll be having lil nonya dinner tonight with people that i like.

new year resolutions. eeps. didnt have any time to think about them till now. and its technically the new year already. oh wells. better late than never. if there's one thing i've learnt is to be modest with resolutions. so there's only one this year: to be happier. whatever that means