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i had such a depressing time reading today's newspaper. singaporean lawyer killed in india. sigh she could have been my boss. but seriously, whats the point of killing innocent people? to make a statement? if you're unhappy with the government, just lash out at them. why take the lives of hostages?

awhile ago, i had a talk with my friends. topic was something along the lines of what would you do if the singaporean government got too oppressive. simple answer was leave. after all, we had degrees(well in 2 more years we'd have it). we could be global citizens, since a law degree would be valued anywhere. so if we felt that the government was infringing on our rights, we'd leave. till then, we'd be the good lil citizens we were trained to be. i mean singapore is safe, rich and clean. a lil oppression from the government doesnt hurt. i dont think it has reached breaking point yet. you want a lil hedonism? well just fly somewhere (Amsterdam?), enjoy it for a few weeks. then come back to lovely singapore to carry on making money w/o fearing for you're life. i am sure one of the reasons why the pap always wins is that their formula or the country has been tried and tested and works. seriously, i think we're pretty well off compared to other countries, so why change something that works? i'm going to be 21 in a year's time(oh god i am old!) and when it comes to the crunch, i'd vote pap.

i cant stand singaporeans who whine about how oppressive singapore is and how our political scene sucks and how they would be so much happier in america. my advice? well then pack your bags and leave? thats what i would do if i couldnt stand it. if you feel like you belong here, then make a change. join the opposition and work you're magic. once we have a capable opposition, i think things will be different. i would like to go to america too, but understand that they have their own problems too. if you feel that carrying mace everywhere you go for self protection is a good trade off for oppression, well then by all means please go.

but as for the people who cannot leave either because they dont have the monetary means or that they will not be able to find a job overseas, well, i guess they'd have to stay. which is why i think education is v important. its never too late to just take another degree to make yourself more marketable. oh wells, till then, we're all slaves to the system

this is why i think swedes are hot. it doesnt hurt that they produce good music that i keep on repeat. i think i am secretly lian lian or a gay man since i like house/dance music. love the hair! although i highly doubt i would be able to pull it off. also love the cute dance moves. but i wont be able to listen to it for long, since im having a giant headache from doing a property law exam. i started like 2 hrs into the exam and hasnt stopped since. oh god. i need a beer

first few things i am going to do after the exams:
drink beer
go pluck eyebrows. god i hate un-pruned eyebrows. bushy's nice but un-pruned bushy's not.

today i had on my blackest face ever. well what more could i ask for? walking through crowded tampines mall, after spending the whole day figuring out director's duties, all while searching for highlighters to highlight more notes. and i could not even find the freaking refill. since i was trying to be more environmentally friendly, i got even more pissed. if looks could kill, that'd be it. i think i may have perfected my grumpy looking face. it'll scare off even the friendliest of people. which may at times be useful.

ok now i have realised that i have turned into a scrooge of sorts. and i am not even old yet, plus i have yet to be stuck in my house counting money like ebenezer. urgh. so here goes. yesterday while i was waiting for a lift at bedok mrt, i saw this couple walking hand in hand. the girl was carrying a bunch of flowers given to her my her boyfriend. i felt my expression changing to one of disgust since they werent too pleasant looking. as i glanced away disgusted, i saw that the woman beside me was smiling. she thought the sight in front of her was sweet. then it hit me. yes im a scrooge. and a superficial one to boot.

omg omg bad karma! not that i need any more of it. i need all the good karma i can get to go on exchange. judging by my results from last year, id be stuck in singapore. i shouldnt have played so much in hall. oh well, at least i had a great time because of all the parties. even if it meant sleeping at 4am and dragging my still drunk body to lecture at 9.

Hey boy wont you take me out tonight
I’m not afraid of all the reasons why we shouldn’t try

Hey boy wont you make me out tonight
I get excited when I think of crawling into your arms

=). although boy would'nt be so appropriate. its so weird that i prefer man over boy. but girl over woman. and what does make me out tonight mean? make out with me tonight? oh wells.

its been a billion years and i have yet to admit it to myself. urgh. i hate inner self sometimes. yes i've flirted with the idea (though i am not sure 'flirt' would be the right word). but when asked i said no. opps?

ok so i have discovered 3 songs by unknown groups who have been featured in grey's anatomy. the show which i STILL am not watching unless erica comes back. so any way, they're perfect for different moods.

first up, my love by the bird and the bee. this song is perfect for every occasion. for being obsessed with a love interest to having no love interest and obsessing to find one.



next up falling for you by seabird. this i think is a little emo. perfect for moments when you wonder why cant feelings be reciprocated. a tad too emo for my liking but you'd never know when the mood will strike. which reminds me of an sms convo that i had with a friend today. she said "yea, they are all quite emo what". emo as a mood is fine. emo as a personality is a no-no.



last up! live like you're dying by lenka. perfect for long thoughtful bus rides in my opinion. love her voice, really husky. by the way, she's aussie.

i shall resist the urge to go on whining about how blah my life has been. its just too unexciting. unless you count doing a 2000 word take home paper on hot bolo ordeals and civil and common law court procedures, over the weekend, exciting. oh how i await the magical number '2000' as i shave words off my sentences, making them incomprehensible. i cant wait for the holidays even though i will only be off to kl and batam (yes, not for special action though). i'd probably spend the rest of the hols drinking, gymming and doing interesting things. but what i wont be doing is internship, which is what every good law student should do. why is studying so painful? the money in the future for being a lawyer better be damn good.



yum?

Tell me if I'm going crazy
But everything you said amazed me
It seems too easy on the ear to
Be something I should adhere to

You told me to just simply wonder
Rather than take shelter under
And open my heart to the thought that
life is something you're not caught at

Too easy to get lost in progress
I didn't see you there in that dress
And suddenly the world seems so small
We'd fit it all inside our front hall

Edison would spin in his grave
To ever see the light that you gave
Don't want to take it nice and slow here
Don't want to waste a minute more dear

The universe just vanished out of sight
And all the stars collapsed behind the pitch black night
And I can barely see your face in front of mine
But it is knowing you are there that makes me fine

Maybe its the warmer climate
Maybe I'm a smarter primate
Maybe its the beer I'm drinking
Maybe I've stopped over thinking

Baby you're the words and chapters
The sweetness in the morning after
You are the cry that turns to laughter
You're the hope that ends disaster

But the universe is just an empty space
And all the stars can disappear without a trace
I'm so glad that this has taken me so long
Cos it's the journey that made me so strong

another lovely discovery of the day. this happened when i stepped on the weighing machine. now not only do i look like crap, i have not lost any weight. epps! no body will want me now

i am so pissed because i just realised that i got fined for driving into a bus lane. and i dont think it was justified. but before i could use my lawyer voice to call in an complain, my dad went to pay the bill. and so i snapped. i hate it when i am not able to do anything about a situation. argh, i feel like punching something. think i need anger management classes.

and i am so freaking stressed. damn exams. so i have no social life(i dont think drinking with my sis counts. ok save for the one supper with my friends). i look like crap (eye bags plus fats since i dont have any mood to gym. plus the feeling of dissatisfaction and general depression. oh my god, you have no idea how dissatisfied i am with life right now!

why oh why wasnt i born in england or something, into an upper class family. then id be prancing around in my knee high socks and pleated skirt of my all famous all girls high school(cue: loving annabelle or lost and delirious). maybe i'd have long locks. and i'd learn all about european geography(since im not really a history person). i'd have a british accent and cute rosy cheeks that all british girls seem to have. oh and id play lacrosse, again in my pleated skirt and knee lenght socks(i think i have a new fetish). sigh.

i wanna watch avenue Q! totally regret not going along with my sis to watch it la. ARGH. songs like everyone's a little racist - i like. =(

and i think i am begining to understand the joys of cooking! well yea, its kinda pathetic that i just made a potato salad. but well, its a big step from instant noodles. i think its my maternal instincts kicking in. plus, cooking is sexy. look at all the sexy chefs on cooking channels. i shall take some cooking classes during the hols if i get the chance to. oohh! cant wait for the hols. its less than a month away but there's such a big obstacle for me to overcome (ie exams!). pls pls let me get by without any Cs. after the exams its going to be: sun, sand, sea, gym, booze, good food and a new hair colour (hopefully if i have 200 bucks to spare).

song of the moment: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sSuNB_pvt2s

class 'a' love affair by the great spy experiment. it has really sexy lyrics in my opinion. cant believe its by a singaporean band.

this fire
takes me higher
a bit of desire
i just cant deny
oh wont you
come a little bit closer
and be mine?

i couldnt bring myself to watch this weeks grey's anatomy. its the episode where erica leaves and i can bear to watch it. im sure if i do, it will end up in tears. damn it why cant a character i like ever have a happy life/relationship. dana died of breast cancer. plus she died looking sickly and bald, plus having only one breast left. and now erica leaves angry and rejected. ahh terrible. cant i have one happily ever after? plus this is fiction land, not even real life. which brings me to speculate about how hard is it to get a happily ever after in reality. which kinda pisses me off, because i really really wanna get a happily after! maybe that will happen when im 67.

today, i witnessed an accident. or rather, i saw some body being lifted on a stretcher and into an ambulance. what was left on the road where a pile of tissues and a pool of blood. at that point, i got a little uncomfortable. i wondered whether the person was ok and i felt a little pukey at the sight of the blood. then the policeman, just took the pile of tissue paper and wiped up the blood, nonchalantly.

and i thought, so this is the extent of desensitization needed. no wonder doctors could look at a patient with half his head cracked open, and think clearly on how to go about ensuring that the brain doesnt fall out as well. i want to be detached and i think it is a useful trait. emotions are too tiring. and i think i maybe more capable of being detached then i thought. during trial advo on monday, i listed out my submissions in a cold manner, followed by the evidence. my opponent used emotive language, and i used none. it didnt even occur to me to use any. which probably goes to show that i can be the lawyer that acts for MNCs against small claims by their exploited workers. and maybe that's why i love erica hahn soo much and am still no less pissed off about her departure. she's cold, she's professional yet when it really matters, she shows her emotions.

maybe its the hormones, but i feel like giving everyone the "do i look like i give a damn" look. because i shouldnt be wasting my emotions on things and people that dont matter. i think i shall treat all of those with indifference. no point wasting my emotions. i want to be the lawyer who still carries on with work even when my client faces the noose.

on another similarly angsty note. i will not allow myself to be a replacement. call it pride but i absolutely cannot stand it when i am asked along for something only because other person cannot make it or that i am the best person for the situation. either you really want me there or dont bother asking me in the first place. i wont go where i am not wanted.

i swear i am done being paranoid or what so ever. this is the age of indifference. or at least paranoia disguised as indifference

and i am glad that the americans finally brightened up and did not elect a red neck as president. finally no more right wing religious bullshit. its not that i dont believe in religion. i just dont believe in religion they way they believe it to be.

ok today, is a really depressing day. DEPRESSING!
not only did the writers of grey's made erica sad, now she's leaving. in the next episode somemore. oh god i think im going to die. serious. i think a part of me died when i read the article online that she's leaving.

i really loved her mean comments and her cold and hard exterior. not to mention the blonde hair and blue eyes. now i have no more interest in grey's.

OMG I AM SO DEPRESSED! :( :( :(

please don't walk away.

new vice: Moroccan mint tea.
try sipping a hot mug of it while listening to baby, dont you break my heart slow by vonda shepard, on repeat.
revelations will come.

this is why grey's is so fucking depressing. i dont wanna watch it any more. the other couples like izzie and alex look headed for trouble too. this season looks soo depressing. sigh, whatever happened to the show which i turned to for laughs. now everytime i watch it i tear at some point in time. tsk tsk maybe its the hormones.

can you imagine bearing your soul to someone and sharing with them a revelation only to have them walk out in the next 30 seconds. which is one reason why i keep myself guarded. sometimes it feels like i hide a little bit of myself from people. its like to certain people, i hide part x. then to another person, i hide part y but show them part x. how terrible is that? well at least i have shown part a to z to some people and i have yet to regret doing that. i think its good to be on guard sometimes. its not good to leave yourself too vulnerable. neither am i proclaiming to be super macho. i know i am not the most re-assuring of persons and i am someone who needs alot of reassuring. like SUPER alot. and i hate that i doubt myself and others so much. but you know, oh well.