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its the all too familiar feeling yet again. i thought i'd now be old enough to know better. to know what are the consequences. urgh! and yet!

forgive my rantings. its just the battle between my heart and head put down in words. there's so much more that i want to write yet, cant find words to. i really admire good writers who are able to put words to feelings.

to put it in one sentence: whatifyoureallywantsomethingbutyoudontknowifyoucangetitandwhenyougetitwhatifyoudecideyoudontwantitanymore?

rarrr! as you can see im not in the mood for much words or punctuation tonight. i know the right and most sensible thing to do is to forget about everything and focus on STUDIES. after all i do have alot of revision to do considering my grades are not as good as i want them to be. perhaps i should just bury myself under work and not get distracted. i have to bear in mind this wonderful equation :

hard work= good grades= good job in big law firm= more money= mini cooper= happy(?)

and so i decided to be curious and take a listen to the arguments made out in paliament. since this concerns the possible making or doing away with law. besides it concerns a controversial argument made by one of the members of the law faq, thio lee ann.

lets just have some backgound info on ms thio. she is an anti gay christian. believe it or not, my mother actually asked me to go for one of her talks that she made during church. needless to say, my mother was full of praises with respect to her achievements(shes a MP and a prof for god's sake). believe me, being a christian does mean that you shld in general disapprove of homosexuality. but in her argument, she goes well beyond that of disapproval. i seriously wonder how she can co-exist in the law faq with elanor wong (a well-kwn lesbian playwright). wonder how will they act if they meet each other along the corridors. anyway, law school being a more liberal population, will most likely not look kindly upon what ms thio. i suspect she will not be very well liked as of now.

so in her arguments, she shows how gay sex is wrong and unhygienic. a particularly funny statement: “Anal-penetrative sex is inherently damaging to the body and a misuse of organs, like shoving a straw up your nose to drink. The anus is designed to expel waste; when something is forcibly inserted into it, the muscles contract and cause tearing; fecal waste, viruses carried by sperm and blood thus congregate, with adverse health implications like ‘gay bowel syndrome’, anal cancer"

oh so now it becomes a biology lesson. and so based on this argument, masturbation and lesbian sex shld be criminalised too. after all hands were not made for fucking.

she also said that the act of rimming is unhygienic. in case u dont knw wad rimming is, in short, it involves a tongue and an anus. the rest shld be fairly easy to guess. my goodness, such a weak argument! like tt i wont be able to bite my fingernails since the act is sooo unhygienic that it is compared to licking a toilet bowl seat. oh what wld all the millions of nailbitters out there do when they are nervous/excited/bored/thinking?

i dont take the view that 377A shld be repealed becoz of gay rights. i dont think that the act is "correct" neither, do i think it is "wrong".i guess it lies in a gray area. but if singapore values itself to be a society that sees the importance of justice, and upholds equality, then i think 377A shld be repealed on that basis. after all, one of the aspects of law is to protect the interests of the minority.

but oh well, the issue has already been decided upon. and no its not gg to be repealed and is here to STAY.

its been a really long time since ive blogged. needless to say, ive been super busy with law stuff, hall stuff and personal stuff. havent even had the time to meet up with old friends (ie. jiapei for shisha and weiling and rach). its as if everyone else is so busy and caught up in their own lives and its so hard to find a time where everyone can meet. i guess its just a matter of putting in the effort to meet. im so glad the tk ppl do still make time to meet. it really shows how we prioritize our time.

law is really killing me! for anyone out there who's comtemplating doing law, be prepared to read. ALOT! and think ALOT too. urgh. so many datelines that i have to meet. and its not like im very efficient in my work, since im always playing facebook and nuaing around. which is why i have to resort to coffee for the extra boost. since its impossible to get more than 24 hrs out of a day.

recently there's been alot of hype surrounding section 377A of the penal code. basically 377A is the section of the law which criminalises gay sex. so the ppl are trying to get enough signatures to sign a petition which repels 377A. ive been asked to, but i chose not to. i guess its pretty selfish of me. but the law doesnt affect me and seriously im totally not in the mood for gay pride. in fact, its more like gay shame for me. since im super closeted in school. i always wonder when will the day come when i can fully accept myself for who i am(of which i cant even be sure yet). maybe i shld just take the view that sexuality is fluid but the idea itself is hard to grasp and apply to real life. and my religion just makes everything more complicated. how does being sexually fluid fit into christianity? does it?

oh well, it feels good to blog. to engage my mind in thoughts other than that relating to law. the money i get next time better be worth the shit that im going through now.

there are times like this when you just want to say:"fuck it!" and give up. i mean its like you're just too tired to keep up with whatever life throws at you. it gets harder when you have to spend energy on trying to keep up with an image. one that says, dont worry i am all right. but in fact you're not. keeping all these inside you until one day you just burst. i just wish a smile and a laugh can take it all away. but thats just temporary isnt it? are we supposed to get though life with just temporary fixes along the way when it gets too hard? i dont know anymore.

but then are a few ppl that understand what you're gg thru and help you along the way. i dont wanna sound too mushy but then i really miss eric. when he called, i felt as if he was the only one in the world that understood me. everyone else just pretends that they do. why is it that only when ppl are gone do you realise how much they mean to you? i guess that's just one of life's great unanswerable questions. thanks for telling me that the coolest ppl are the most uncool and suggesting that ive lost my hot bod from drinking too much beer.

urgh! life should have a fast forward button, so that i can just bypass all the sad and tough momements in a blink of an eye. but too bad, we're just stuck to deal with the present.

why do i have the feeling that next time i will be an alcoholic if things dont change? i will prob die young from chasing all the temporary highs. there's got to be a more permanent high. i'll just have to find it thats all.