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today, i talk about the recent newspaper report in which a father whines about why his daughter cldnt get into the local unis. and i take the stand of cood indifferent meritocracy. the reason is simple dear uncle. your precious lil daughter simply is not good enough. she isnt the only one who's left in that kind of situation. oh yes, i noe theres all that cca, but you're living in singapore, it aint america. its just the way society is. eveyone knows that altho the unis all preach that all-roundedness is valued, we all know that its the grades that will get you in. i dont mean to seem elitist but thats just the way things are. and in the next 10 to 20 years things prob arnt gg to change. its like trying to fill an already full glass with more water. ok so increase the glass size then. easy to say hard to do. with an increased class size, learning and thus the quality of education althogether might decrease. is quantity or quality more impt? and as i said, society has a place for everyone. if everyone were to be high powered professionals, who wld be left to do the paperwork? imagine life without secretaries. so they are just as impt for the role they play in the smooth running of society. and can u imagine if 50 % of the population goes to uni, now where wld the deg stand? of course its potential value will decrease. thus more ppl wld be vying for places in masters or postgrad courses. so wldnt the same prob start again?

yes, i noe ppl shldnt be judged by their grades. but i just think there simply isnt enough resources in sg to cater to expanding everyone's capability. i guess the only option is overseas. and who ever said a uni deg was the only way to succeed? it will just give you a headstart, perhaps likened to a 50m start in a 8km race. chances are, its gg to be insignificant. now, ppl wld wonder, i bet she wldnt be saying all these if i didnt get into uni. if i were in the same spot as that girl. u know what, i dont know. unless there exists some alternate universe in which u can see the effects of alternate decisions u made. maybe i wld be whining my head off, maybe i wld just accept what i have and move on in life knwing that i have the potential to succeed either way. this is just how i see things now in my present situation.

urgh. im pissed yet i want to cry. why do i bother. i think i care too much. Love is blind. but theres some things that i cant believe goes un-noticed or maybe its denial. oh, but what would i know about love anyway. after all you said you thought i only had lust. i really shld stop being pissed. takes a lot out of my life. bye im gg to watch spongebob. he makes me happy

today i finally got arnd to taking my passport pic for nus application. the ones i had in vj were all used up. thanks gods, it didnt turn up like my ic pic. im super ashamed of that one. urgh. at least this one is acceptable, better than vj one summore. whew. hurray for contacts, better hair, better teeth and tweezed eyebrowns. maybe if im feeling like it i shall post both pics. hah!

i feel like gg for herstory party! hah. its been a long time since i had a ball of a time clubbing. but of coz, nth goes w/o great company so if the company aint there of coz i wont go. i kinda missed dancing like theres no tmr. not giving a damn whether ure surrounded by girls or guys. but its butch hunt this time arnd.

im so sick of seeing friendster msgs by ppl u dont know. u noe the usual ure so __(insert a flattering adjective) can i noe u? urgh sometimes it doesnt even come in gd english. i shld find out if i can change my settings. i feel bad not replying but ive run out of ways on how to express "no i dont wanna knw you" in a nice way

thanks for helping me make a new found understanding of myself over a cup of lovely startbucks latte. so ive got the emotional IQ of a kid. which is not actually a good thing. life has been relatively smooth sailing. i have gotten most of what i wanted. i wonder what will happen when i dont.

oh well. i soo attracted to the LG chocolate series of gadgets. the notebook and the mp3 player. they are simply visually stunning. altho the mp3 player has gotten an average review coz its functions were so-so. so im hoping my dear i-pod doesnt die on me. then i wont be tempted to get that. but the notebook is really v pretty!



but it costs $2999. with average features. why do i have a feeling that id spend most of my salary next time on these useless gadgets? well at least it makes me happy looking at them.

yesterday, i had dinner and drinks with a very interesting group of ppl. im glad i had the chance to exp sth tt most ppl wldnt have. altho for most part i was just clueless and just sat there trying to look as hot as i possibly cld. and cosmo now ranks among one of my fave drinks.

waht if the person u cld share our deepest thoughts with, left? i dun really want to give him that much credit, but secretly he's been quite a significant part of my life. oh no i sound so mushy. anw soon, theres no someone who i can say "i feel like getting laid" to, and tt person will know im just kidding. no one to share my deepest darkest secrets about myself. things that i dont even want to admit to even myself. oh wells. im gg to be such a repressed child from next week onwards.

so we were exploring our motives yest, and reflecting bout life. and then, i thought, what if everthing that you strive for and work towards, was just done so you could prove yourself to someone? im so scared that that describes me

its one of my unusually inspirational days today. during my usual 1 hr bus ride to work(i choose to take the bus even tho the train takes 1/2 as much time becoz sitting in the bus gives me time to let my mind wonder)i truely felt that i cld do anything if i set my mind on it. maybe humans are more capable than we ever imagined. its one of those days where i feel that there is hope yet for the human race, that global warming isnt gg to be THAT bad becoz we will always be able to think of new remedies. i need a book. shall go source arnd for some interesting titles. havent sat in bed with a gd book in such a long time.

so i end work in about a weeks time. ah yes.. no more waking up at 7 anymore. yet i think im gg to miss the ppl there. they arnt like vv nice or anything, just endearing in a way. *brings a tear to my eye* awww. i hate getting all mushy. so ive been thinking.. what am i gg to do with all the free time on my hands. that is aft my malaysian road trip and law camp. maybe take a few odd jobs here and there. but i think id be spending most of my time sitting at home, watching kids central. altho i would v much like to shape up for uni. flabs are never good. exercise to look good naked. well said well said.

Please bear with me for a few days if my head does seem a lil bigger. i got accepted in SMU law afterall. but if i really do turn into someone i always hated pls just slap me in the face and pull me back down to earth. its just so easy to lose yourself, losing your own identity in a world already full of generics. thats the worst thing possible in my opinion. which is why im always attracted (not in that way) to unique people, coz i know how hard it is to maintain your personal identity when its just easier to follow the pack.
i am happy, no doubt, that i got into both law schs. but it will be nus for me. the happiness is just from the thrill of the chase. and perhaps also for the assurance that i really have what it takes to be a lawyer. that it wasnt just a one-off lucky break for me. however, i do not think that all law grads are smart. they are just good in thinking in a certain way. one that is suited for a legal education. put them in a different area of study and they may end up nowhere.
i really look up to arty farty ppl. ppl who are able to write poems, paint or just wow me with their abstract thoughts. perhaps that was why at the beginning of last year i was contented with just doing well enough to go to arts. maybe i shld go off to US and study liberal arts aft law.

What I see is what's to be,
Cartwheels to eternity.
'Round and 'Round my head she goes,
In the good dreams though she wears no clothes

a sample of the nine days song "end up alone"

just thought its a real cheeky line. not that i think it accurately describes me of coz. why of course not!



anyway since my blogger alrite here's a pic of my cherry. well not my cherry actually (heh.) but a cherry stalk tt i tied w my tongue. i knew having a long tongue was useful. i can even touch my nose with it! nownow i wonder what that entails.. well according to my kindergarden teacher, ppl with long tongues are able to pronounce words better.. among other vaious traits of coz.

oh my, im in such a cheeky mood. must be yesterdays conference call with five of my fave ppl. yup a fivesome. nv knew i had the stamina for 5. oh well u learn sth new everyday.

do u ever get the feeling when u dont wanna see certain ppl that u keep "seeing" ppl tt look like em on the streets. one exp is enough for me thank you. its quite scary coz you're heart rate accelerates before u realise: chay.

yesterday night, i walked from golden mile complex all the way to timbre. it was an hrs walk, along the paths that take u under flyovers. all that in a fit of anger, tinged with a little depressness and hurt. yeah, i know the future can be bright, as bright as i want it to be. yes, i know ive got what i want. but well, i sometimes find it just so tiring to meet new ppl. the" oh hi! where're you're from etc" is getting too familiar. where is the goofy charm that ive always relied on. its just sooo much easier to just make do with old frens. doesnt help that some are gg away. i just dont want to think of the day. which is why u have to partake in the tiring process of making new ones. yes, i may be sociable. but it takes a whole lot of energy out of me. how am i gg to find ppl who'd nuah w me smoking shisha/having drinks/coffee in a world filled with ppl who are all trying to prove themselves. clubbing is nice but not when it gets too fake. sometimes id rather just sit down and have a gd chat. (which of coz may sound like utter boring-ness to some)

on a lighter note, ive since lost weight after being sick. actually i still am. urgh but not being able to enjoy eating sure sucks. yesterday, before driving lesson, i was lamenting abt how much i felt like vomiting but i cldnt take the medcine(its supp to be before fd and i had just taken lunch). so i said to myself: jean, i have to puke before u do it in the middle of driving. which is of coz a mjr disaster. so i did. and an extra plus point was tt now i cld take the med. since now its techically back to the before food situation. oh yay!

An interesting article i came across. and since i am the youngest child, i posted one that pertained to me. here's the link for more tho :
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=7652&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544657&menuid=6>1=9983

If you’re a youngest child
You’re all about fun. The most outgoing kids in the birth order, youngest children live to have a good time (it may be because your parents were more laid-back by the time you came along). On a typical first date you’ll have your date laughing so hard beer shoots out his or her nose. In fact, “most famous comedians are youngest children,” says Dr. Leman. A partial list: Jon Stewart, Jim Carrey, Ellen DeGeneres, Steve Martin, Eddie Murphy. And forget ho-hum plans, like dinner and a movie: You love to do the unexpected, often on the spur of the moment. You’re the type to take someone to a party, only to whisper two minutes later, “Let’s get out of here,” and then convince your date to take a road-trip to Atlantic City or Vegas for the weekend.
Your love challenge: “Babies are the least financially dependable,” warns Dr. Leman (it comes from being, well, babied). So your date may be stuck picking up the tab when your credit card is maxed out. Also, some youngest children — not you, of course! — use that last-born charm and charisma to be a bit, ahem, manipulative, says Dr. Leman. That breed of baby will leave sneak off to hit golf balls with pals, leaving his or her date to fill in at a volunteer gig.
Best match: Oldest child (they serve as a good counterbalance in a parent-child sort of way) or middle child (they value friendships, so they totally understand why you love being the life of the party).

cool huh? i think its pretty accurate. if you look at the others, u'd find that the youngest child is the most sought after! so fellow youngest childs of the world rejoice!
anw i was randomly surfing wiki (which i do so more often than i wld like to admit) and i found a nice liberal arts college. i really wanna exp life in one. too bad mom and dad refuse to pay for it. so i was thinking perhaps aft law i cld earn my way there. perhaps..

ok so i finally went online to accept law. i dunno what too me so long. i just its the many insecurities that plague me. so today i have effectively accepted a "lifestyle". one of high powered dreams and shallowness. which brings me to my many insecurities. what if im not hot enough for nus law? what if i cant make friends? what if im really too dumb for law? or worse, what if i dont look good in a suit? etc. but no matter how many insecurities u have, you've got to try you're best to remain confident. i guess thats one impt thing ive learnt and thats what prob got me thru the interviews. but actually deep inside im a damn insecure person. be my close friend and you'd find out.

i feel so dejected. am super sick (yes literally) felt like puking the whole day, and my body felt like jelly. so am prob gg to see a doc and get mc tml. argh but, my mum refused to let my rest at my grandma's place. so tml im gg to spend the entire day at home. alone and sick. yes perfect. finally some time alone to watch l word. and in the meantime, there's weight to be lost! lovely, just lovely.

have u ever connected with someone u barely met? i guess i have. on a number of occasions. just a simple chat and u realise that u and the person share a lot of similar thoughts, dreams and opinions. but its kinda sad that the friendship doesnt get to mature. before u know it they just drift out of your life. finding someone so similar to myself in terms of thinking is really hard. and so far, ive only managed to develop a strong friendship with one. hopefully in uni there'd be a few other "me"s around. people say that opposites attract but from exp i really dont think so. of course its impossible to be attracted to a carbon copy of yourself.

im really glad someone close to me found perfection in imperfection. =) Finally! now, pass on the luck to me. hah!

sry im still in shock. everything is soo surreal. so far i only know 3 ppl who got in and they are really "up there" in term of intellect.

yesterday, i took a cab back after a late night out. the uncle was like so sleepy. he cldnt even drive straight. can u imagine how scared i was? goodness. kept telling god that this is NOT a good time for me to die. thank god i made it home in one piece.

OMFG! I CANT BELIEVE IT!!!!!! I GOT INTO NUS LAW!!
omg im still in shock. my hands are trembling so much i cant type properly.
oh god! i cant believe they took me in after the crappy interview where i was degraded into an unethical piece of shit that somehow made it to human form. and for the essay test, i finished 1/2 an hr b4 the rest and ended up staring at the ppl arnd me. and they thought i wanted to copy their ans. nice. omg! yay! now i dont need to write an appeal letter to smu begging them to let me into law. and i am sooo sorry ntu, comm studies sounded like real fun.

why? why is everyone so nice to me? (well not everyone)

today was one of those days when i realize how nice ppl have been towards me. how many times they have given into my unreasonal demands and how they can stand all my crap. i v nice meh? i think if i wasnt myself i wldnt be nice to myself. even my boss surprised me when he said he wld do my testi by mon even when he's soo busy with all the work. i keep telling myself to be nicer to ppl but sometimes its v hard. and when ppl are nice to you, u tend to take them for granted. (which is what i am SUPER guilty of!) maybe im just waiting for someone to treat me like crap for once.

so i found out that comm studies is a 4 yr honours deg prog. i noe, i should have known tt earlier but its doesnt make a diff.

anyway, being on the 72nd storey was great. the view is fantastic. and... the special drink was served on a giant martini glass. too bad my com's screwing up and i cant post pics. and... i can tie a cherry stem into a knot with my tongue! now thats a valuable trick to impress the chicks with! lol im only joking. i only ended up with a v tired tongue. and no it wasnt from too much frenching.

sigh i feel so rejected. i got into smu accounting. which is a nicer way of them saying that i didnt get in for law. actually i dont want to know who got in, if not i will be too irritated at all the brainless talent getting accepted instead of me. sad sad sad. but im not devastated of course. coz im good at rejecting too! haha and i will have to for 2 unis. altho i hope its not nus. at least i havent been accepted to nus arts yet so there is still hope. on a more sensitive note, i really dont like the idea that unis are keeping places for me which i prob wont take, at the expense of others. i mean there are lots of ppl just hoping to get into smu acc. i have no idea why they accepted me too. i went for a law interview not an acc one. oh wells. thats the elitist world for you then. i can be quite the elitist too. get me in the un-politically correct mood and i can be found spewing the most meanest things about ppl who arnt "suited" to the sg education system.

anyway, im glad im gg to be gg to the exclusive club 72 aft work tml! its where the elite ppl are, coz u cant get in w/o gg in w someone who can get u in. oh yay, it seems like i have a chance to find my rich handsome husband. how exciting. not to mention i will be on the 72th story of swissotel. oh goody!

today is the first time im passing up on a drinking trip(i think). heh. i just woke up from a hangover induced slp and am supp to be rushing out of the hse nw for a dinner but i guess im excused. this morning i woke up with the worse hangover as far as i can rem. throbbing headache, stomachach and i really wanted to puke. all of this after drinking 1 litre of beer. it wasnt that much but i didnt drink enough water after and just went to slp. i wasnt even THAT drunk. bleah, i hate the downside of getting smashed. someone should really invent a hangover pill. the potential for it is really great. hmm maybe i should!

life's like one big joke. in the past 2 days i have received : a call from a modeling agency (now now don't laugh too hard), someone calling me saying that ive won a lucky draw for a 5 night stay in a 5star hotel in china (too bad i dont even rem filling in any lucky draw coupons). and today, i just HAD to choose to carry my paper bag. as soon as i reached to bus stop it started raining. so there i was looking like an idoit using my body as a shield.. for my bag. and for all these shld i say "unfortunate incidents" i treated myself to an orgasmic peach yummi yoghurt topped of with cereal. PERFECT.

on a more serious note.. no wait, there is no more serious note.

this is the first time im soo bored at the office. both my boss and rozi arnt here so i have no government today! and so for the first time im actually on msn messanger at work. not only that, i reply ppl in an instant!

so here i am, talking to belle about useless stuff such as the prospect of me getting a job of being someone's sex slave after i stop working on june 1st. how much i shld charge and for what acts etc. hilarious. as u can see im not in a very serious mood today. is 200 bucks for 2 hours too cheap? ok im joking.

since im soo bored, i shall post up 6 things you're least likely to know about Jean!(which is me of course)
No.1: I am a fan of electronic music!
No.2: I am a sentimental person. just look at mr pusseycat and my smelly ex-wallet given to me by my sis. now its EX-wallent coz she got me a new Freitag one. which is sadly starting to stink too. im sure its the money smell lar!
No.3: I find it hard to fit into size 27 jeans and sometimes size M pants. altho i dont look like i have big hips, i actually do.
No.4: I got into a car accident before.
No.5: I was held at knife-point before. (now u know why im so weird)
No.6: I was promised by someone that i wld be the 1st person the person wld drive when the person cld drive and now i think the person can drive but i have yet to be driven by that person. whew that as a mouthful!

Actually i have more (un)interesting facts about myself but i only said i wld reveal 6. till the next time i get this bored than. which actually be like after lunch.

ok so i got the ntu acceptance letter for communication studies on mon. mr postman was being real sadistic when he delivered my letter 1 day later than the rest. made me feel soo rejected. (and i dont even think i did badly for the interview!) so i guess if im not offered law its off to the godforsaken, jungle like, isolated from civilisation campus in the far west then. i have to make new friends! the idea is just somehow appealing at the moment. dont ask me why, i must be in the socialble mood. the possibility of meeting ppl who think like me is quite interesting. i sure havent met many yet.

so i got accepted to one of my 1st choices and so far no ans for the other 2. and i thought lawyers were supposed to be decisive! i think i wld appreciate being rejected then left hanging so i hope nus and smu law wld be kind enough to send me a rejection letter. that way i can move on. hah! sounds so like it can be taken into a different context.

i want to go kandi bar again. with all the elements of this monday. but get utterly smashed! and not puke preferably.

I am sorry to dissappoint.