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sigh. i hate it when i have to not tell the truth just so someone feels better. i feel as if i owe it to the person to be truthful. but then i cant come off as too mean. yet, i am mean in the first place since i even entertained the idea right? oh man. but of course i for one am aware that sometimes the truth hurts. and even though its good to know the truth, sometimes, knowing it per se is not a justification for getting hurt. so like a true lawyer indeed, i do a balancing act when deciding whether to tell someone the truth or not. but of course, this balancing is subjective. but ok i have a soft spot, ask me any question and look deep into my eyes, and you may get the truthful answer. ok, i think i just depicted myself as a major lie teller. which is so not the case.

people make use of others all the time. i think its pretty reasonable to get used to it. but still the feeling of being made use of does suck. even if i have done the same to others. i know i am not a saint in this departnemt. no one, close friends included, can be genuine all the time. i guess that's the way the world works, and we'll all have to suck it up and be glad for the few genuine moments we have, if any at all.

they say taureans hate changes. which i think for the most part is true. i like familiarity. but i think with all this comes the occasional longing for change. a drastic one. i must say, i am rather attracted to the notion of riding off into the sunset. except that preferably it would involve a nice convertible instead of a horse. i dont do well with jerky movements. although realistically in Singapore, the notion of riding off will probably take a new meaning. you'd have to take a plane to get away. grab a car and the furthest place you'd be able to get to would be er tuas? factories are so not my scene. i just want to start life afresh in a place where no one knows me. and i can be a whole new person. and then, when it gets too out of this world. i'd buy a ticket back. but i guess i'll be stuck on this sunny island for another year. not that its bad. its just that i am so sick of normality. i never wanted to be ordinary but it just seems that i am nothing but so.

sometimes i feel like a needy puppy. love me love me love me goddamnit. i've always been a cat person. but that's life. since when do you get what you want when you want it? its almost as it torture is warranted? so sadistic.

learn from your mistakes. live life love. this is so not appropriate for my 1000th post. is it so hard to find anything remotely genuine?

i think i am rather sadistic, because i have this nagging feeling that god is going to teach me a lesson. like all the bad karma i've accumulated over the years is going to come back and haunt me. like a mega bad karma atomic bomb. why am i feeling guilty about things i can't even pinpoint. ok, well i can pinpoint, but that is besides the point.

bleah, pride is going to be my greatest downfall. at least i realized it? how many great people can identify their downfalls? not many. ok i digressed. i am not great. yet! shit, there i did it again. at least i have the honesty to admit, that i do think that i am better than others. and i do find myself thinking less of others. sometimes, i judge, more than i'd like to admit. no, i dont think i am the best, but neither am i the worst. well, if i did get my way (and the if the parents were willing to blow a significant part of their life savings) i would have preferred to do a degree at an ivy league school. but so far, i think i've done enough. i do think my career path will most likely leave me with some spare cash to spend on the finer things in life. which i thank. but there are moments where my head floats too high into the clouds (usually characterized by 'fuck off' face and bitchy attitudes). i need things to ground me. before i piss god off too much and he decides to drop a big one on me. urgh. noooo! call me drama, but please do not shatter my present life. i don't particularly want to find myself suddenly poor, or like without an arm or uh blind?

also, i don't really like the fact that i do sometimes frame inappropriate things as 'competitions' of which i hate losing. yea yeah, i know life is not about winning and losing but i hate losing ok? of course, i'm not that crazy to frame everything as a competition. so its ok if i lose at monopoly deal. it's just inappropriate stuff. of which i shant divulge. you never know who reads blogs nowadays. hi future employer! i'm a good worker, please let me be partner by 30! kthanxbye

just when i've gotten my certification of date worthiness, where are the fishies? it took me damn long to get accreditation you know. and fishies from clubs don't count. i think hotness is better appreciated in the light.

plus, i realised that i use too much of my left brain that sometimes i find myself having monologues inside my own head, with myself. oh my. i think its rather freaky. but sometimes these monologues are rather funny.

curiosity killed the cat. bang! see, told you. oh, i can be so patient sometimes.

ear candy of the moment. the lyrics to this is incredibly sad. i think i am secretly (psst its really a secret) needy and a hopeless romantic.

Time can take its toll on the best of us
Look at you you're growing old so young
Traffic lights blink at you in the evening
Tilt your head and turn it to the sun
Sometimes the T.V. is like a lover
Singing softly as you fall asleep
You wake up in the morning and it's still there
Adding up the things you'll never be

Alright, I can say what you want me to,
Alright, I can do all the things you do,
Alright, I'll make it all up for you,
I'm still in love with you,
I'm still in love with you

Time can take its toll on the best of us
Look at you you're growing old so young
Traffic lights blink at you in the evening
You tilt your head and turn it to the sun
You disembark the latest flight from paradise
You almost turn your ankle on the snow
You fall back into where you started
Make up words to songs you used to know
So...

Alright, I can say what you want me to,
Alright, I can do all the things you do,
Alright, I'll make it all up for you,
I'm still in love with you,
I'm still in love with you,

The hard luck god
You never had a chance you know
Incurable romantics never do
He held the flame I wasn't born to carry
I'll leave the dieing young stuff up to you
You get back on the latest flight to paradise
I found out, from a note taped to the door
I think I saw your airplane in the sky tonight
Through my window, lying on the kitchen floor.

the fairer sex can be so complicated, it's not even funny. but you see, complication can be cute sometimes, until your patience runs out. which is why there may be some truth in: opposites attract. for purely practical purposes. i am by nature, rather unstraightforward unless you count the rare moods that are otherwise. put 2 of me together, and oh my, we'd be writing a number of thesis on how we're feeling, the implications of it etc etc. god damn lawyer instincts and our need to analyze anything and everything. so, which is why opposites are needed: efficiency.

ok, time to pick up the pace and focus on what's at hand, ie exams. its time once again to be testing the capacity of the brain. as well as the body's tolerance towards caffeine. out with the alcohol and in with coffee i say.

ego boost times a million. its good to have a harmless night of fun once in a while. plus i got rid of some of the angst. oh wells oh wells

last night i made a speech to a close friend about soulmates. its a wonder how i still believe in this concept eh. but i do! i believe we have more than one single soulmate. although this belief is purely for a practical reason, if not we'd be too stressed out finding that one SINGLE one.

anyway i digressed. i told her about the people who i truly believe are meant to be together. you know sometimes, paths will cross and keep on crossing. such that it doesn't matter whether you get together with the person right now? because you know that your paths will cross anyway somewhere in the future? strange uh. so dont fret, if its meant the be, paths will cross. and if it doesn't then its not meant to be. simple as that.

oh wells. and so i told her who i thought was my one of my soulmates. totally caught her off guard with that. oh wells. we'll see we'll see. sometimes, i think i've grown up so much that i surprise myself

i dont want to go back to that place again

i survived. however, it wasn't long before stress reappeared in my life. it took only er 7 hours? why... i didn't even get a chance to grab a beer. in 30 days, i'd be on a boat to bintan. to finally got some inkling of a tan. pasty white really isn't my colour. plus! i have to get my ass into shape! i haven't broken sweat... weeks! thank god i don't have the natural tendency to get fat. but even so, with the amount i eat. it's not really healthy. i will get some exercise soon. also need give myself some self love. now get your mind out of the gutter. not in that way. unfortunately. bushy eyebrows and black roots are so not hot. now i wouldn't want the world to know my true hair colour now would i?