v
v
v
v

yesterday, i realised that i have very high expectations of myself. i rem the time when i said that i wld be happy with just 2As, well thats bullshit. i got 3As and i can say that im dissappointed. i just didnt want to show my dissappointment coz it wld be unappropriate as ppl had grades which were much worse than mine. i mean just imagine when u got like ccc then the person beside u is whining why she didnt get straight As. well, if it were me i wld want to shut her up(by physical means if necessary). so after yesterday's law interview i was not in a very good mood. entertaining the thought that i might be just one of the others after all. oh god, i hate failures in other ppl, what more myself. i was engaging in a conversation with a random vj girl while waiting for the interview. she said i looked damn calm. but inside i was ready to pee in my pants.

what if i find out that im just of normal intelligence. i think id rather be dumb, that way life would be much easier. after all ignorance is bliss.

sometimes i feel like i just want to get away from this stupid fucking country. like i am capable of just leaving everything behind and start life afresh elsewhere. well maybe i could afterall. all tt remains is trying.

i don't want an average pay, an average job, an average life. i think i'd just kill myself if i found out i was just average.

i got my nus law letter today. yay. but the interview is right during when my company lunch is gg to be. i cant believe i even manage entertain the thought of forgoing the interview for the sake of duck liver with an unpronouncable sauce and steak with poached potatoes. i got news that certain ppl who i dont think highly of in terms of their intelligence level, got the shortlist too. tsk tsk.. no names mentioned here since im nice. but if those bugger(s) get in... its a sad day for the law profession.
im a bit overwhelmed next week. i have quite alot gg on, and just thinking about it makes me tired. oh wells. im going into my 19th year feeling tired.
i think i shall wait until i get the results of all my interviews before deciding on whether to really go ahead with getting a brazilian wax. since my biggest worry has been proven untrue, i think i might just do it, when im feeling brave that is. i think its just an experience that u shld try before you die. hrm which brings me to the point of having a 'life list'. i think i shall go do mine now, after procastinating for more than 6 months.

now now... spot wendy? the one in the tank top and jeans. how cld xavier even think of ditching her for celia. tsk tsk.

i just watched two back to back movies. im so glad im back to watching non mainstream movies. was begining to lose myself in all those flicks.


so first up was "i don't want to sleep alone" which i caught with eric.
its flimed in KL so i guess it hits closer to home. i think it was a good movie, although slow in pace, i felt the lingering scenes had made their intended effect. its interesting to note that throughout the whole movie, the names of the 3 main characters are barely mentioned(in fact i dont even recall one) and there are no close up shots of them. which i feel makes them more ordinary yet still special in a way. if theres one lesson to be learnt from this movie, it wld be: don't try making out in the haze. as seen in the movie, its pretty much impossible. there were scenes that were pure torture for me to sit through(yet i still liked the movie), but thats just me.


next up, "the lamarie project"
it was released about 4 years ago and was nv released in sg i think. i wldnt call it a movie, its sort of like a documentary of sorts. so basically its a true story of the town's reaction to a hate crime that was commited there in 1998. so u get interviews with priests, the police, doctors and basically all of the town's folk. not many movies actually made my cry but the lamarie project did, on a few occasions i might add. plus, theres clea duvall for eye candy.

ah... all these gets me into the intellectual mood. now i feel in the mood for books. oh yeah i have one more movie to watch. one tt eric lent me, "russian dolls" and recommends coz the main character is soo like us. seeking perfection, never finding it in anyone, not even ourselves. so true, so true. which is why i want a mannequin for my birthday(eric said its damn ex on the net tho so i prob wont be getting it). ah the perfect companion.

in short the law interview was crap. 15 mins for essay is crazy. esp when writing on topics like "law is created by the intelligent to protect the interest of the rich" plus, i was in the same interview group as someone from my sec sch class. oh god, not good! since i was trying to portray the wholesome yet liberal image. but i cant! not in front of someone who already knows that im not wholesome at all. * sulks* and the motherfucking heels were killing me!
urgh! there were some ppl who were so overdressed. and as i say in perfect singlish :" not yet lawyer, dress like lawyer." tsk tsk. summore a few from vj summore. double tsk tsk. but i have to say, most of the "potential future lawyers" do look good. not all but generally the cohort's better than average (i am included too ok). hah! wonder what happened to the lawyers in my office, maybe they ONCE looked good. lol
looks like im getting closer to NOT getting to wear power suits.. how sad, i was meant for it

i'd better make sure im on my best state of being tomorrow. actually, i have no doubt that if i am, id get through. but u see, its hard to attain that state of eloquence, confidence as well as a philosophical mindset for the essay. JUST for tml, i have got to psyche myself up to be the hottest, most brainy and coolest law sch potential undergrad in sg.

and whats got me a little worried is that i havent received any news from nus yet. the essay is supp to be on the 29th and apparently the letter shld be arriving either this or next week. ive got my nail bitten fingers crossed..goodness, why am i so concerned over my future all of a sudden. scary.

and what shld i get from my parents for my birthday. as usual they'd give money. so i have to think what to do with the money. perhaps a crumpler bag, or maybe a new ipod hrm.. soo many wants too lil satisfaction

i couldnt help putting a number of pics from sat on my flickr account. cant help commenting on the highlights. its the start of a tiring week, perhaps i shall start on some lost awaited reading

finally sth's gg moderately right. i got shortlisted for smu law. now i just need to make sure i dont screw everything up. and tt im in the right mood at the time of the interview, which of coz is: im soo much cooler than all of u losers. hah! then again.. we'll see how it goes. but image is everything. and i really do mean everything. in 20 mins, they cant really tell much of your character. which is why, i can pretend to be the perfect smu candidate: confident, bubbly and full of life! oh how lovely. now, ive just got to lose a bit of weight, get a tan n perhaps get my eyebrowns done. you can deceive people, but its hard to deceive yourself which something ive been hard at work at.

and i cant believe i went for my final theory on the wrong day. and now i have to book it again, like 2 mths later. really just kill me. everytime i tell someone the story, i cant but feel just SLIGHTLY irritated. maybe im just getting more blur, which was illustrated by the time i got off at the wrong bus stp. doesnt sound that bad, except tt i was already standing at the door, i just happened to forget to alight.

this is so random but i really love blonde hair! all natural of course.

as materialistic as it sounds, i cant live the simple life.

true to my taurian nature, i need to be surrounded by beauty. (on the other hand common taurian traits such as patiance and loyalty dont seem to apply to me) somehow i always find myself yearning for the life tt i want for my self. which in short, includes a car and condo as one of the basic neccessities. not just any car and condo, it has to be swanky. and power suits are something ive always wanted to wear. i want to be a younf high flyer. make my first million before im 30. jet set the world on business class, meet the whos who of the business world and for leisure, go for a ski holiday on one of the swiss ski lodges.

i dont think i can be happy with a modest salary, living in a HDB flat, with a generic car. the simple life just aint for me. lets just hope i get there, its not like i have a multi million dollar family business to take over.