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oh god. i hate not getting what i want. at the risk of sounding bratty of course. now i feel utterly ugly and stupid. although, that has been redeemed somewhat by another offer. BUT STILL! what i want (or rather what i traditionally thought i want) is still so damn illusive!

why why why! not getting something makes me want it even more. so true in my other life experiences. then again, when i get a little of something that i want, i want even more! oh god so greedy right. i swear this will probably lead to my downfall. but i kinda forgot how i felt like when i finally got something i really wanted. i guess the last time i was when i got an exchange slot? i felt immensely happy/elated/any other appropriate adjective. then after that? i can't really remember.

do not tell me i am destined to take the road less traveled in life. a part of me just wants/craves traditional success. you know, hugo boss suits, bmw, swanky bachelorette's pad, expensive cuff links that could feed 1000 starving children. you know the works. but maybe i am not cut out for all that. maybe i am destined to help the underdogs. of course underdogs will not be cash rich. what a headache. please let my path be clear to me in the next week or two.

i hate not getting what i want. but what do i want? tsk tsk. how difficult.

still in a foul mood even though i had a sweet dream. perhaps its because it departs so much from real life. plus i've got a throbbing headache. life was fine a week ago. how odd.

yours truly is not in a good mood. firstly, i've got my period. so everywhere is tender and achy. plus, i am fussing over and getting unhappy over something that does not warrant my fussing over and unhappiness over. yet i am. and people choose to unintentionally get on my nerves too. so forgive me if i am a bit harsh. its because i am not in the mood to entertain and tolerate. RAH! damn hormones.

some people just don't know when to bugger off. like they got not enough EQ to realize that i am just not that interested in the words that are coming out of their mouth. ok sometimes i will act interested. out of kindness of my cold cold heart. or to gain some good karma. but there's always a limit. rahh. fortunately, such people are few and far between. i am happy that the people i associate with on a regular basis are not like that. then again, if they were, i'd be spewing a million vulgarities. but since i generally dont like being fake, i would gently pull myself out of the conversation. kind right?

please do not assume i am a mean person. i am mean only to people i dont enjoy the company of. or who piss me off. or who irritate me. you tell me who can be so patient and free to entertain everyone? oh yah. jesus. seriously, he can tahan little kinds, the poor, the righteous, social outcasts etc etc. cool hor.

ok slightly nervous. cant imagine how'd i'd be feeling at 430pm tomorrow. i shall let out all my vulgarities now. knnbccb! which leads me to the point that i have become too vulgar for my own good. today, i watched a badminton match. to my horror, i found myself muttering: smash the motherfucker! thank god it wasn't too loud. horrifying. i should stop. it would be so unbecoming of good lawyer. please make me an offer... so i can get this whole training contract thing out of my mind and concentrate on other matters.

actually, i am concentrating on other matters. BUT! why oh why do they not include studying. i have totally neglected my studies and am feeling super guilty about it! distractions be GONE! ok those that i permit may stay. i don't wanna see my results this semester. oh god but my brain is so not co-operating.

cb. i damn poor but gian nike + shoes. shit lar. got a few big ticket things that i have/want to buy.
apple care plan: 320-ish.
hard disk: 100-ish.
nike plus shoes w sensor: 150-ish.
iphone: 400-ish.

thats like over 1k lor. ok friday 26th got 10 million toto draw. i am going to buy. 100k i also happy. can buy car and all the other stuff that i want. of course, fastest solution is to find rich man. but then where got so easy find one! kns. who says money is not important. well it sure adds to your happiness once you've got all the other sources of happiness, ie family friends etc. sure without the key sources and only money you wont be happy la. but well if you got all the key sources, money will make you more happy. we live in a material world. don't be delusional.

yay. got an interview with a big firm. a little nervous. but since i've got experience already i guess it shouldn't be too bad. if they made me an offer (quite unlikely) i think i'd accept. then no more worries for me. life would be good.

*cue evil laughter*. i have bought the ultimate weighing machine! so what if it took up $40 bucks of my ang bao money. plus, i have recently armed myself with work-out-friendly tunes. think trashy stuff like britney and ke$ha. i swear by the fact that trashy songs make you run faster/longer. though i don't think i can give up my vices or change my diet. maybe try to lay off the carbo at night. but hungry leh! and i absolutely hate being hungry.

where are my 72 virgins?! cue achmed the dead terrorist. i have watched this like 20 times or more and i never fail to laugh. i have even memorized most of the jokes.



forgive me, i've got a thing for bushy eyebrows. SILENCE! I KILL YOU!

personal life update: yay! i got my first offer. ego boost. but i think i shall not settle for second best when i could get better. which could backfire. afterwhich you'd see me begging on the streets in my suit. life is good. so far. have been pretty busy with social events. damn i seriously need to get down to studying. on another note, i feel nauseous, this time its because of myself. omg, i am becoming a generic girl. kill me now.

i survived another year of cny. another year of stupid questions, being mistaken for the elder sister and indulging in empty calories. i can't help it if i am big right?! grr... i've always been this large. i just got slightly larger after exchange. stop judging me just because you see me eating a FEW pieces of bak kwa. tsk tsk...then again, i've been actively trying to lose it off. also, cny is the time of the year where you can really hear your biological clock ticking. when you feel that by 22, you should be married with 4 annoying kids. nice.

frankly, i am disappointed.

so i think i am entitled to some emo-ness now. seriously. a source(a little bird) has revealed a bit of information, thinking that it's significance to me was minute. but it's not! so how's realizing subtly that you're just one of the many. no one likes to feel insignificant. that's the worst feeling in the world. i swear my heart broke a little(maybe i am exaggerating, but i have to admit i am saddened). thank god i had beer in hand. i think this may affect me more than i'd admit. maybe tomorrow i shall elaborate. that's it for now. let me emo.



perfect song that i shall play on repeat.

so my interview got postponed. anyway it should be quite easy to pass it. SHOULD. if not i'd feel so unwanted. even though IF they offer i may not accept. just an ego boost la, its always good to feel wanted. go on admit it, all the few people who read my blog. who doesn't like an ego boost. if you don't please let me know how you have attained nirvana.

i remember in secondary school, we had this t-shirt which said 'shoot for the moon and you'd land among the stars'. what if someone gave you the stars, would you still go for the moon? that's the situation that a few of my friends are in. see if you go for the moon, and you don't reach it, you'd uh... land on er. earth? which is really nothing compared to the moon and the stars. actually, who said the moon was higher than the stars? i digressed. not that i am in this situation now, but still, a important point to ponder about nonetheless. why go for second best, when you have the chance to get the best? actually let me phrase it in a different way. why go for second best when perfection exists. nevermind about having a chance to get it. i am sure in one point or other, in our lives, we'd have to face this dilemma. 'all good things come to those who wait' i can be very patient if i want to (trust me on this). i am no perfectionist, but i do appreciate perfection. then again, i think when you wait too long, its time to give up on perfection. when is too long then? how the hell do i know. i'll be sure to share my enlightenment with everyone once i've reached it. i guess its damn du lan to realise that you could have gotten/done better. i've always regretted some things. come to think of it, everytime i think back about the things i have let slip by, a flurry of vulgar words just automatically make their way into my mind. cb, knnbccb, nb, f, maternal-f and the works.

how irritating. anyway one thing is certain (at least). say hello to your future litigator. there's a very small chance that i wouldn't be in black and white though. still please feel free to accumulate and refer your disputes to me in... lets see... 2 years time. your honor, i should win because... my my.. is that a charming blouse or what.

ok so its the first of the many (at least i hope so) to come. keep telling myself to relax and let my lovely personality shine through. ok i felt a little disgusted saying that. my non-existent lovely personality. how gross. i cannot imagine myself being described as sweet or lovely. i mean that's just soo wrong. oh wells, i guess this is all part of life.

can drew just employ me already? i've already got my fave senior counsel team.

i think emotions make life less efficient. seriously, if we'd all emo-ed less, felt less, i think we'd be able to accomplish more. work gets done and everything is clinical, fast and painless.

i hear singapore is starting a productivity campaign. one suggestion, make us all un-feeling robots. i am very sure productivity will increase, especially in jobs which require little or no human interaction. in jobs that do, well, if everyone were un-feeling robots, then it solves the problem.

BUT bo bian! humans are wired this way. wishful thinking on my part.

my workout regime has been working pretty well. lost about 1 plus kg since the massive weight gain. actually im not really bothered about the weight, its more like getting rid of the blubber. i wouldn't mind having 60kg of pure muscle. er... then again..

i read a study that said that in order to reduce abdominal fat (the worst kind of fat to have. seriously), you need to do a mixture of cardio and weight training. alot of people actually skip the weight training part. but i think its quite important. no you wont look like xena. flabby arms are a big no-no. no good to feel it jiggle everytime you shake some salt/pepper. but i haven't found a way of reducing thunder thighs yet. but i have a nagging feeling that it has something to do with long distance running and lots of sun. to which i can only accomplish the latter. ran 2.4 km today the hot sun (killing two birds with one stone) and i nearly died. can i just have rebecca tan's bod please? people look so much better slim (not skinny. then you'd look on the brink of death).

oh and i do TRY to take less carbo. especially at night. but no i cannot resist mid night roti pratas, teh tarik and beer. ok now back to my never-ending readings. two and a quarter more semesters before i get paid to feel stressed.

busy. stressed. plus i am doing future job training by having 6 hour sleeps. will probably have much less once i start working so i'd better get used to it. actually, i find the prospect of being swamped with work strangely exciting. probably the epitome of good time management. sifting out who/what matters from who/what doesn't.

well its impossible to keep everyone entertained. i should stop being so obliging. also, god could you make some entertaining thing drop from the sky? i am pretty bored with life now.

i am quite happy with my new picture. which i will be using for my training contract applications. my mother said that using that picture she would buy a house from me. so i think its sufficiently professional. not say v chio but at least presentable la. if you get to see the photo, think, would you buy a house from me?

and why the hell am i so stressed? maybe its a perception of stress. since i was so relaxed in canada. kill me now.

patience is a virtue. i shall not get irritated. but why do i feel a need to rip someone's head off? ohms. i need good karma.... need to be patient, not irritated. no thoughts along the lines of STOP FUCKING IRRITATING ME! ohms. i am above this.