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ahh. a whole night of mahjong sure felt good. together with young girls seving up food n drinks.. perfect. dont get me wrong here. those young girls were my jnrs. tk chalet was great, altho we were the oldest there and practically hogged the mahjong table all night. finally stopped at 6am. i dont know why but even gambling for 5cent per tai felt sooo exciting

i say, nth like a night of partying to chase away the blues. went to attica for some trevvy party. its a site for gay boys by the way. since my sister's friend was sponsoring the clothes for the fashion show, we went in for free! and cld go into the members area. if not females have to pay. how nice. first i can only be a cashier at mox not a waitress coz i dont have a dick, and now this. tsk tsk! and mymy, where the models hot! i was like 5 cm away from them after the show. then i pulled my sis to the dance flr which was packed. if u thought mos tt day was packed u shld have seen this. to put it simply, skin on skin. i was less than one cm away from the next face. and my goodness, guys were like gyrating against me from all directions. like hello i have boobs in case u didnt notice. oh well. and silly me lost the baggage tag and had to pay 25 bucks. tried to plead with the butch at the baggage counter but then there was this super mean indian supervisor there. so handed up 25 reluctantly. =( saw sum some familiar ppl there but i cant say who, i made a promise. oh wells. once in a lifetime exp. and oh my sis used my as a human shield so she wldnt have to dance with her not v aesthetically appealing and horizontally and vertically challenged friend, who by the way looks uncannyly like the chi teacher TAN kk from tkg can? so poor me, getting jiggy with a jiggly. hah!
stayed over at my sister's place and guess what, her cat ate some of the neon liquid in the lightstick tt we were given. so rushed it to the pet clinic. the poor thing was like slivating all over. but we had this super hot doctor and im like 99.99% sure she's lesbian. coz she has sucha lesbian haircut. even with my malfunctioning gaydar.
gg to meet belle n sulin later so i hope i'll feel better after a whining session with em.

ok being such a volatile and emotionally unstable person, im allowed to rant. oh god im just feeling in such a sadistic mood now! i wonder if what i think about is normal. eric says it isnt. do u ever get the thoughts of just hurting a person for the thrill of it? well ive thought about tt b4 and came very very close to actually doing it. sumtimes i feel so hardhearted and cold tt i cant recognise myself. sumtimes i just wanna say, i dont like u coz ure *inserts respective mean word here*! so there! urgh. its my mood swings. but those are my thoughts SOMETIMES, i havent put any of em into actions yet. and it takes a whole lot of self control n reminders about bad karma to stop myself when i do get such feelings which is by the way quite rarely actually. but i still do get em, just like today. am i normal? or maybe i shld run up to the mountains to live as a nun on herbs and veg for the rest of my life. argh im so emotionally unstable i hate it! how i can ever do anything right?
RARRRR!!! its times like this is i really fucking hate myself. see, just the other day i wanted to date myself and now i want to kill myself. how nice. oh god can i please change personality? being jean really sucks at the moment. pretty please?

a pic from yesterday nite, damn cannot see my blonde streaks. my friend said tt there were supp to be pretty girls there but then i nv see leh. i think the guys there were slighly better. now i sound so shallow. and oh my god my body is aching like ****. my groin is the most painful, wonder why do i have to use tt particular muscle dancing.. its the 2nd time i went clubbing in which my groin hurt so badly. no wonder today i was walking weirdly. went to bugis w eric and weiling to shop and my my did we discover a lot of shops. passed up on mox tonight with jp and her friends. didnt feel too good so decided to go home like a good girl should.=)
and i cant believe tiff and simone said i smoke like an ah lian. how nice. no more cigs for me any time soon too. urgh
and oh seeing tiff and yanshan yest made me feel so aww. in a good way of course. AWWWW

ok so im blogging at like 3 in the morning aft clubbing at mos. and well.. lets just say im so tired and sick of alcohol and cigs. the vj ppl there were like so wasted outside the club. thank god i didnt puke. mos was freakin crowded and guys outnumbered girls like more than 2 to 1. it was so crowded tt when we went to the main dance flr, if i moved one step backwards, i wld fall into the fountain like water thingy and if i moved one step forwards i wld fall into sum ah beng unappealing guy. how nice. i think i have nv been so sure footed when drunk and dancing before.
but overall it was a fun exp and i wld def go there again for sum hot dancing and great music. and oh, i dyed my hair and i love it! tahan me as i go into im so hot i only can date myself phrase again. sry bt im just in love with myself.
they say blondes always have more fun, and well since im at least partially blonde to a certain extent, i deserve some fun too!
tml im gg to cut down on the alcohol i swear. i really do nt wanna die young.

today i saw the most stunning girl ive seen in a long time. like wow. perfect face, not too chinese yet.. and good body too coz she was quite tall arnd my height or taller. truely stunning, and its not only me who tought so

im suddenly feeling so contented with life. ive got great friends, and a wonderful family. things cld always be better but well tt's the thing about life. it CLD always be better, but we'll nv know. things could have been much worse. i have no idea why im so optimistic right nw. till then im gg to enjoy life and enjoy being a free spirited individual since ive gt nth to hold me back anyway. thats the thing about free spirits, they can nv be truely chained down.

im done with bio option! yay. i dont really care about mcq coz well, its just a matter of doing tys and not studying.
lets see my schdule for this weekend. thur hair appt then its off to hit the club with the tk girls. fri its shopping with weiling rach n eric then well a nite out at mox with jp and her friends. and sat its dinner with some other friends. and finally on sun its dinner with my family to celebrate the end of the A's. whew its gg to be a hectic weekend. not to mention one in which i get to meet lotsa new ppl. thank goodness im getting a haircut, i dont want to meet new ppl with my hair in its current state.
gotta keep this in mind for the weekend. hot ppl doesnt mean nice ppl.
and thankgoodness i didnt make certain decisions in the past. if not i totally cant imagine how my life wld turn out. prob less desirable i bet. double whew!

The maternal instincts are kicking in. nw i feel like getting a kid. damn those female hormones. i must be ovulating.

ok so i'll never be anorexic. just came baq from dinner and lets just say even my parents were shocked at the amt of food i managed to chow down. so much so tt my mum's not gg to get me lunch tml. how nice of em. well i suppose 8 dumplings and a big bowl of ban mian was a lil overboard, but its coz of the stress of studying about sperms and eggs! u have no idea how many god damn hormones it takes for us to get our periods. and poor me has to study all of em. =N
i dont wanna go clubbing fat! but i'll never be anorexic i guess. hah! not unless a certain future sumone says im fat. but then again.. maybe not. cant believe my parents are stopping me from eating!
and at starbucks today, my friend just asked me really loudly, : are u gg to the lesbian party? for like everyone to hear la! goodness. do i have like the hi im a lesbian look on my face or what. to which i replied uh no la. haha. its not tt im nt paiseh to admit tt i like girls, but still! hah! its gg to be worse if i get a real funky haircut. maybe then i'll be obvious dyke. yikes

i think im getting too paranoid about sending smses to the wrong ppl already. sometimes i dun look before i press send. and well... lets just say it has landed me in a not so amusing situation before. ok ow tt i look back on it, it was amusing la but NOT at that point in time. oh man.. i am just damn scared. seems like lately ive been a lil more than blur. i dun think my poor heart can handle the "excitement" of sending a sensitive sms to the wrong person again.

i nv thought i was such a true taurean till now.
It may be that your attraction to material things is less about the objects themselves than it is about the pleasure they bring to your senses. Comfortable living and working space is important to Taurus, along with nice linens, clothing, food and music. Venus is the planet of love and desire. She is in charge of romance and beauty. But Venus isn't only about physical love; she's also symbolic of the ideal love. When we see a beautiful painting or other work or art, Venus is present. She is the beauty of a rose as much as she is the attraction we have to someone we love. As the key planet of Taurus, Venus is sensual and simple. We fulfill the senses with beauty and life is good.
and so the stars say tt im attracted to beauty. which is like so true! i mean i nv thought i really appreciated the arts till like recently. just looking at a real thought provoking painting makes me feel happy. and dont talk about the human element of beauty coz i can easily name u many of the hottest men n women on the planet. tt's why i get so much satisfaction looking at hot ppl. dont get me wrong its not the sexual kind or satisfaction its more like hmm... appreciation of beauty?
maybe tt's why i love the l word. coz of the concentration of gd looking ppl in it.
and oh, michelle rodriguez is so hot! im contemplating watching lost after my A's. and so here's a list of programmes i'll try to watch:
1) spongebob!
2) the many many seasons of ER
3) south park
4) lost

man oh man. i think my geog's gg dwn the drain. im looking at my human geog notes and they look so alien i feel tt its the 1st time im looking at em. to think my best subject is now my worst. i think i'll get a B for geog. an A wld be such a blessing.
and while the pcme ppl party on the 17th, i'll be drowning in bio, learning more about penises and vaginas. ask me what fluid lubricates the vagina during sex, i'll know by the 20th. or at least i shld know. i just wanna get all my papers over and done with. and i want to see my results asap.
after the 23rd im free. then it'll off to the hair salon for 2 hrs and then off to hit the club! hell yea! my social calender is packed for tt weekend. i cant wait!!! till then there precisely 4 papers( 6h45min of exam time ) left.

i think singapore is getting gayer. we have ellen and chris isaac on tv. its funny hw my dad hates him. but me and my mum just cant get enuff of him. its just gay men and how women just love em.
anyway...it just takes 17 secs for ppl to form a lasting opinion of u and 3 times as much time for them to change it. how nice. now u know why ppl are spending tons of money on beauty products and procedures. i mean if u cld make everyone like u the first time they saw u, well thats a very valuable trait. think of the all the possibilities. this world is shallow, there's no doubt about it. makes me think twice about getting a tattoo.
a song to debunk shallowness. my current earcandy of the moment. just wish i cld have sth like tt im my life. awwww
Blessid Union Of Souls - Hey Leonardo

now this is what i call ANDROGYNOUS! ppl in singapore seemed to have such a warped definition of andro. it just comes with such a masculine connotation. the dictionary's definition is :having both masculine and feminine characteristics. i know its just a label. but just look at all the ppl who identify as andro. come'on they're butches. period. i hope i dun get bashed by them for saying tt. if not i'll just run screaming away. ps i just love the androgynous look. including austin mind you. he's such a pretty boy, yet notice the subtle manly stubble? puuurrrfecct! eyecandies to relieve all the exam stress

OMG! geog was super hard. and i really mean super. its funny in a sadistic way that the hardest geog paper i have ever done in my life wld be at A levels. how nice. i seriously have no idea how i fared for the other papers. right now all i can think of is that my hand is damn pain. and i have a corn on my thumb from writing too much! gg to sleep. maths can wait till tml.

oh fuck.. im sooo TIRED! had bio core and math today. and gg to have 2 essay papers tml. geog and chem. once this week is over it'll be MUCH easier. this feels so surreal.. i mean like we spent the whole 2 years studying(ok well maybe not) and now its like time. i feel like im standing in front of god looking at all the sins tt i did. well maybe its not soo extreme but the feeling is similar. anyway i thought math was quite hard but still can do. i think it'll be a b. bio was well.. soso la. kinda rushed. BUT my hands are aching like hell! to think i have to write hmm let me see.. 7+10=17 essays tml! how nice. im gg to have vein-y hands and its def not from pcc-ing.

i feel so damn unprepared for A's. ironically the subject tt im most worried about is geog. if the essay questions are to my favour then gd but if its not then im dead coz there are certain parts of the core topics im not really confident in. damn bio and math are tml an im still forgetting things. great. at this point 2 A's wld be gd enough.
well at least ive got some nice music to listen to:



omg she's like so damn hot. i just love the cute preppy glasses and the lip ring. not to mention the eyes! send me to america! her music's great too. its like so boho sounding. perfect for relaxing. and oh btw shes gay. hah! one more gd looker tt plays on THE team. why arnt there ppl who look like tt in singapore. thats it! after A's i hope i can follow my sis to u.s. then im gg to get myself a hot gf. then hide and live as an illegal immigrant there. serving up food at a run dwn chinese restaurant to pay the bills. but hell y not? i'll have a hot gf. aha! im crazy.

urgh. i was reduced to a blob of vomiting mass of human flesh for the whole of yesterday. i hate myself when i whine coz its so helpless but i cldnt help it coz i was feeling like shit and was in so much pain. RARR! puked like 3 times before i cldnt puke anymore coz there simply was nth left. how nice, getting sick during a major exam period. ironically, my sis also had like major stomach probs before her A's and was like puking throughout one of her papers. and she still gt AAAB. oh well, i can only hope. gg to see a doc later. well look on the bright side, this means i can lose come weight. =)

oh what a terrible day it was. not only did i not manage to get anything done.. i also have a terrible headache which usually comes from getting alot done. its ok to get a bad headache aft studying alot but not when uve done nth! tt's just so unfair. and i had this super big pimple which i was trying to hide during the filming of the interview. hopefully it wldnt show up. it was soo fake! everything tt came out fr my mouth was a lie. hohos! made us seem like we did alot when we didnt. the day was made worse coz i had like 2 ulcers and my boobs hurt like hell coz my period's coming. urgh.. and i think i had one too many tapioca thingys!

i want to watch a striptease aft the A's. wonder if they hv tt here in sg. and so why the sudden interest? well i just read this article on a mag which teaches u how to go about a stiptease. with moves such as "boobs on bob", "stir the pot" and "g-string fling" it certainly sounds interesting. im not a fan of big boobs or huge asses but well, i guess with a lil alcohol and dim lights and the correct atmosphere, we all can learn to appreciate a strip tease. hmm maybe i shall do it myself oneday. once i get my jap schgirl costume tt is! ahaha! actually i think i prefer the business woman look. v domintating v hot.
oh god, its the beginning of the A levels and all i can think of is striptease. i fear for my results. anyway after gp today, i can kiss law gdbye. env didnt come out at all! poverty family n marriage too! like WTF! and the fucking compre was like so weird. AQ was a rush as usual bt the quest was kinda weird so i have no idea if i ansed it correctly. ok i just need to scream this: FUCKKKK!! ok tt feels much better. 20 more days 20 more days... goodness y bother when i noe tt im most prob gg to arts n socsci now? u dont need 4A's there. i just feel so unprepared! oh wells its too late nw anyway. 3A's wld be such a blessing

"An estimated four million gay men and lesbians are raising eight to ten million children in the United States"
that was an interesting fact i picked out while surfing the net for last minute gp info. found alot of cool quotes as well. i'll nv write a whole essay of homosexuality but well its interesting to find out more about 5% of the world's population. yes, bisexuals and homosexuals do make up 5% of the worlds population. i suspect the figure is much larger as about 10% perhaps inc all the bicurious ppl or those in denial. oh wells. i shall exclude myself from any of the categories. looking at all these statistics really shock me. i mean 4 million gay parents? thats like the entire sg population.
and i think ppl who come up with witty quotes are soo enlightened!