v
v
v
v

argh! I think i never really thaw-ed out from yesterday. was reallly cold today. so much so tt i ended up wearing a jacket for most of the day. today was quite an uneventful day. except tt i had cramps again! just when i thought the bloody chinese meds were actually working. hrmphs!
thou shalt not be an escapist. ive been running(well not literally! i hate REAL running), from life for too long. whenever i feel weird i run. which promted weiling to write escapism=jean on my foolscap. which i saw again today while i was doing some work. ive "ran" away from situations i find awkward, situations where i wasnt comfortable, and not even bothering to leave behind an explanation. believe me it happened more than once. i think the bad karma can nv be redeemed, prob unless all those ppl came over and slapped me. i wld really feel much better with a slap. i can so just imagine myself getting slapped by someone at one point or another in my life. hoho. tt's not a v good thing. but i wld say to the future person, "thanks. i needed that. it was well overdue." karma karma.. haha. seriously. i am fully repentant.

it was early in the morning. i was cold and bored.

well well. looks like my horoscope for today is really exact again. nt gg to elaborate tho. some things are better kept private. hoho. watched dont come knocking with some friends today. it was a not bad movie, but nt really one of the best ive seen. however i cld really identify with how the main character, howard, was feeling. sometimes you just get too carried away by life. all the alcohol, music and material comforts suddenly lose their appeal. then u wld just go, fuck it, coz they dont matter any more. then u start to search for what matters most. friends family loved ones etc. anyway on a more trivial note, i think im getting sick. got caught in the rain, nearly become a human popsicle in the theater, then drank lotsa hot chinese tea. so im kinda feeling a lil feverish now. =( not only am i not feeling well physically, im feeling a lil weird on the inside too. not anything major. but i was thinking tt im so affected by the past. to quote gp compre passage" the past has a deadly grip on the future" i always seem to be traumatized by one thing or another. one drunk nite in bed and im too traumatized. rejection and im too traumatized. horrible date exp and im too traumatized. fuck! ok. wadeva. i shld be happy. i need a beer.

South Park- Uncle Fu**er

im addicted to south park already! save me, from laughing till i die

i simply love geog. it opens my eyes to the real world. not like the sciences where everyone is just knee-deep in equations. it was the last geog tutorial today, and MJ had a an interesting parting speech. i was remembered by him as the girl with stomach cramps. wad a nice impression i have made. lol. its really touching to see how he really cares for us, despite suaning us. i got teary eyed. took some final pictures with the geogers. geog made my aware of the going ons of the world, how it works, how terrible ppl in some countries are. basically how the world cld be so beautiful yet cruel, cold and dark. besides, we geogers(by tt i mean 05s21 geogers) always carry out intellectual conversations during out geog breaks. from which country shld we invest in, to making sure sg doesnt lose out to msia to premarital sex. opps did i say pre marital sex? lol. geography is everything and everything is geography. long live the geogers! =)
please dont think im a geography freak. i am just someone who has been enlightened by the applicability of geography.

went to airport to study with eric and weiling, and boy did we discuss alot. from the results of excessive hormones in early adolescence, to the struggles of the early teens. we even came up with a graph measuring sexual desire, which looks remarkably similia to the emzyme ph graph. obviously we ranked ourselves and i think im like amylase at ph 10. past the optimum and on a decline. hah. obv we studied, bt i cldnt concentrate since i had only about 3hrs sleep the nite b4. ok so i realised tt i am truely picky. if i really fell for anyone who fell for me, i wld just be with ppl way below my std. its not like they are bad, its uh well, not my type. so what IS my type?(as in seriously eye candies dont count when u dont even noe if theyve gt major personality flaws) basically i wld look for the same things in a guy as i look for in a girl(and i dont mean big boobs). good looks are obviously a must for initial attraction, but of coz goodness of looks is relative. what i find gd lking may just be below par for others(which has always been the case sumhow). but looks wont get u anyway alone. personality is needed in other to carry on fr the initial attraction. of which 4 me, the person needs to be mature, smart, non-irritating and multilayered. cant be too smart as in nerdy smart and of coz not dumb. i wld use the word enlightened here. sumhow there arnt any guys available which meet the criteria(aka are straight). looks can pass la, but once u get to noe em, its like WOAH! tt's soo not for me. as for girls the situation is slightly better coz there are such ppl, just tt well, lets just say they're all in hiding. why is it so hard to find a person like tt? its already good tt i have 2 times more ppl to choose fr. and no this entry does not mean im looking for love, i just like rambling about it coz its really bizarre.
tt's y i still think i wld date myself if there was such a person available. too bad the coning technology isnt up to standard yet. lol.

oh man! its not everday tt the stars are to my favour! check out my horoscope for the day as taken fr straits times life section : tarus- your sense of style and dashing charm make a mark even when you are not trying. you draw all kinds of admiring glances even if you are running to the market in sneakers and a t-shirt. expect a request for a date. now how much better can a horoscope reading get? and i was really walking arnd the hawker centre in a t shirt n sneakers! must have got alot of ppl wanted to ask me out lar. just tt paiseh only. lol ive gt one hr more to be asked out b4 the readng ends! haha! i cant believe im humouring myself in this way. here are a few pics we took today. the rest are in the pictures link

oh yes! that's a male gamete/spermatozoa/GIANT SPERM!

ok is my memory bad or what. i just wanted to blog about something. and now about 5 mins later, i totally cant rem what is it! those god damn chinese herbs arent exactly working. i was doing a chem mcq paper and becoz i cldnt rem anything i studies i ended up cursing like a sailor for most of the 1hr i spent doing it. oh yeah HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you eric, if ure reading this tt is. anyway, im totally addicted to the song by lily allen-smile. its real quirky and i really dig her strong english accent! nevermind tt she isnt real stunning in real life ( no blonde hair! ) but just her voice is enough to win me over.

im not sure if i'd be gg to sch tml. prob wldnt if belle and sulin are coming over to my hse to study. ok so i shall make a list of what i want to do after A's! i usually hate lists but, this is a fun one to make.
1) get an outrageous haircut. bt i wont be a bladie. tt wld just be too boring. look out for colours(blonde or purple?), and perhaps a shaved side. i just dont wanna look butch.and the key to tt is balance!
2) party! oh man i just hope i make it through all of it alive. hopefully with a functioning liver and relatively pink lungs.
3) get my damn body into shape. prob by the means of yoga(refuge fr all the loud music), or kickboxing(vent out all the aggression!)
4) lugg my lazy ass out to work after 2 mths of relaxing. perphaps on office job for the $$, or maybe in a bar/ restaurant for the fun!
5) go on holidays with my friends!
6) spend more time with my family. they mean the world to it even though i never show it
7) spiritual development. which means gg to church more often and more frequent prayer time
8) quality time with friends! be it gg for lunch, hanging out at the bars, enjoying live music or just gossiping for hours!( which is possible w the tk ppl)
9) read, watching movies/flims/plays, go for art exhibitions, music etc. anything to enrich my artistic side
10) paint.
11) volunteer for a cause. ive been mean and selfish for too long. its time for me to give back to community.

hopefully, id be able to get at least most of these things done during the long hols. then it'll be uni!! wohoo.. all the new ppl and new opportunities. will it et shallower and more surfacial tt it already is now? thank god for my friends for keeping me sane.

coffee is the new alcohol. no more alcohol for me. its making me dumber. and i really need to be smart, since i really havent been studying. ahh! a starbucks double shot cafe latte with 1 1/2 packets of raw sugar is simply orgasmic! then again.. what exactly does an orgasm feel like. PRETTY DAMN GOOD i reckon, after all the hype this 6 letter word has received.

omg how could i forget to blog about this! ok its not sucha big deal but its compliment to me! u see, yest when i was alighting fr the bus w eric, these grp of ij girls swarm us for donations. after dropping some of my loose change, one of em asked (i think it was the hottest one there. no actually im lying.), hey are u the actress in my sassy neighbour? ahahah! it had to be tracy tan, hu's actually quite hot.tt made my day! Jean~ tracy tan= HOT! ok im so ego, shoot me now. ahahaha!
damn but my eyes are one big one small again! got sore eye(no i did not watch porn again).. which means i had to spend the whole weekend in specs! which i tot was a bad thing, but others tot i looked better. oh wells. must be the intellectual look! a question fr jp" do u wanna be a hip n happening lesbian or a boring nerd?". of which i took just 5 secs to reply the obvious. then she said good coz u look like tt nw. woah! too bad i didnt have the guts to chat anyone up. even under the influence of too much tequila. lol i've always been such a chicken and i noe it. cluck?(it tt even the sound a chicken makes?)

with all the drama that happened today, i know that dyke drama isnt the only kinda of drama. shall not elaborate much because its sensitive and im not directly involved. just some thoughts in general: its ironic how u cant just force ureself to like someone even tho they're totally nice and all to u. u end up breaking their heart. then, u find yourself in the position they were in. loveing someone so much and hopeing with all your heart tt they'll have feelings in return. but they dont.

i dont use the word love often to describe my feelings(and if i do, i wasnt serious). its because i dont think i shld use it so freely. after all its a sacred emotion reserved for special ppl. the only ppl i wld say tt i have ever loved, are my family. like is easy, love is hard. to quote the movie gia," Sex was really easy. There was sex everywhere. It didn't really mean too much. Love, love was the hard thing to find. Even if you were looking for it, which not too many people were. And even if you found it, which not too many people did, even if it was right there in front of you. No; how could you see it with all the sex in the way? " so true.

here comes a much more sane-er post aft last nite. so here;s my take on the movie sophie scholl.

it's a really moving show. quite the tear jerker, even tho i dont take history. ppl who do i think would appreciate the movie more. so the story starts out in germany, where hitler rules and "hail hitler" was cool. sophie and her brother are members of the white rose, a group of enlightened ppl i wld say. when the whole of germany is brainwashed into the whole "final victory" thing and everything justifying hitler's damn war, they are aware of how terrible war is and how germany is gg to lose anyway and of coz PEACE. they are caught by the gestapo while trying to enlighten the masses by distributing flyers in a university. so they were interrogated and in the end convicted of high treason and sentenced to death. this period was the most moving and powerful part of the flim. religion, undying faith and believe were all thrown in. kinda reminds me of Vfor vendetta in a sense tt ppl are willing to die for an IDEA! somehow i found the religious aspect of the film connecting to me the most. on a more light-hearted note, catch this movie for the judge. he's really good at screaming and being all mean and stuff.
man after watching this movie, i always wonder why the hell did i watch comedies and dumb shows like click or big mama's hse? then again, i as i told jp, im really bi i need balance in everything. man i shld have been born a libra!

ok so im a lil drunk. went to mox tonight!! yay! so happy tt i found my wallet. i think i had too much tequila so forgive me if this post is a lil too well not me. hahaha! ok so we played truth or dare at mox! it was so funn!! shall not elaborate on any sensitive details here but yeah. lol when im sane i shall blog about the show tt i watched today. sophie scholl! till then.. i'll wati until the drunkness wears off

ok so im sick of being forced to look at drawings and pictures of male and female sexual reproductive organs. from a purely scientific point of view, females are much more complicated than males. spent like damn long trying to figure of how we menstruate. all the bloody*no pun intended* hormones involved. after looking at copulation(yesyes tt's the scientific name for plain olde SEX) so scientifically, it just seems to have lost its shimmer. its like just another method of ensuring tt the human race doesnt die out. oh wells. back to looking at more sperms and eggs then.

YAY! i found my wallet! or rather someone found it and returned it to the beach rd police station. im a happy girl today!=)))) this is a good sign... that there are better things to come! i wonder what other pleasantly surprising things are coming my way. well, at least i dun have to pay for a new ic altho i have to get a new debit and ezlink card. im happy tt my wallet's back. coz of the sentimental value of it and the stuff inside. baddy pics and the wallet being a gift from my sis and all. so the person who picked it up wasnt a fucking idiot as i predicted, he/she is and angel! sumhow i get this feeling tt its a guy. i dunno why but i do.
suddenlly ive gone from angsty to happy! i just feel really contented with my life now. well it cld be better(yeah yeah mudeye) but its bloody rocking now! =)
and to all my friends i really really love u! altho i usually am mean, but its all in gd fun! =)

here's a test i kopped fr sumone's blog. if u score less than 60, ure an ANGEL!
1) smoked
2) consumed alcohol
3) slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex
4) slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex
5) made out with someone of the opposite sex
6) made out with someone of the same sex
7) had someone in your room of the opposite sex
8) watched porn
9) bought porn
10) done drugs
TOTAL: 7

11) taken pain killers
12) taken someone else's prescription medicine
13) lied to your parents
14) lied to a friend
15) snuck out of the house
16) done something illegal
17) cut yourself
18) hurt someone
19) wished someone to die
20) seen someone die
TOTAL: 8

21) missed curfew
22) stayed out all night
23) eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
24) been to a therapist
25) been to rehab
26) dyed your hair
27) received a ticket
28) been in a wreck
29) been to a club
30) been to a bar
TOTAL: 6

31) been to a wild party
32) seen the Mardi Gras
34) had a spring break in Florida
35) sniffed anything
36) wore black nail polish
37) wore arm bands
38) wore t-shirts with band names
39) listened to rap
40) own a 50 cent CD
TOTAL: 5

41) dressed gothic
42) dressed prep
43) dressed punk
44) dressed grunge
45) stole something
46) been too drunk to remember anything
47) blacked out
48) fainted
49) had a crush on your neighbor
50) had someone sneak into your room
TOTAL: 6 ( uh oh.. i think im gg to overshoot 60!)

51) snuck into someone else's room
52) had a crush on someone of the same sex
53) been to a concert
54) dry humped someone
55) been called a slut
56) called someone a slut
57) installed speakers in your car
58) broke a mirror
59) showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
60) brushed your teeth with someone elses toothbrush
TOTAL: 8

61) consider Mac, Dre, e40 or Mistah Fab your favorite rapper
62) seen an R rated movie in theaters
63) cruised the mall
64) skipped school
65) had an eating disorder
66) had an injury
67) gone to court
68) walked out of a restaurant without paying
69) caught something on fire
70) lied about your age
TOTAL: 6

71) owned an apartment
72) cheated on your boyfriend/girlfriend
73) cheated with someone
74) got in trouble with the police
75) talked to a stranger
76) hugged a stranger
77) kissed a stranger
78) rode in the car with a stranger
79) been sexually harassed
80) been verbally harassed
TOTAL: thank god its only 2!

81) met face to face with someone you met online
82) stayed online for 12 hours straight
83) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours straight
84) watched TV for 12 hours straight
85) been to a fair
86) been called a bad influence
87) cursed
88) prank called someone
89) laid in the bed with someone of the opposite sex
90) cheated on a test
TOTAL: omg! a full 10!

91) cheated on homework
92) held hands with someone of the opposite sex
93) been pushed into a pool
94) played pool
95) watched 5 hours of mtv straight
96) had a crush on someone 10 years older than you
97) had a crush on someone younger than you
98) wear eyeliner
99) skinny dipped
100) laughed at someone who was seriously hurt
TOTAL: 5
bloody hell! i missed the golden 60 by like 3 marks! im not an angel!=(

"love works in mysterious ways"
i think its truely true. nv really thought about it until now. and from now onwards, i shall TRY not to make fun of: skinny bungs with hot girlfriends, vertically challenged& and overfed bungs with hot girlfriends and ah bengs w macdonald hair with hot girlfriends.
on a totally unrelated note, i met this really cute gay guy fr acjc. omg... he's really hot/cute/wadeva la. too bad he's gay and he's like either shorter than me or arnd my height. i wish i was shorter. shorter girls always have the advantage of falling into the "cute" category. i on the other hand, will never ever get there. lol

warning, this post is gg to contain a number of "fucks".
today was fucking suay for me!!! coz i lost my bloody wallet. thank god i only have 10 bucks in it, but then i got my ic n ezlink too! FUCK! wait till i get my hands on the fucking idiot who took it. whoever u are. u are dead. oh anyway, we made many nicknames of ppl we met today. there's vagina girl, queue boy, sneaky girl. lol. and today, i saw a TRUE example of TRUE LOVE! im just like OMG!

a pic of us at mox!

i needa laugh. HAHAHAHA. even my toes are laughing. and nope its a genuine laugh, not sacarstic or anything. my goodness, i think intelligence comes with a price. this is not the first time ive met extremely talented ppl only to find out tt they are really weird! i even think my sis falls into this category. well not tt weird but of coz she's weird in her own ways. yikes! i hope im not tt weird. oh no but tt means tt im dumb then. oh wells.

the hot ones are always a lil freeaakky.
so i've learnt to raise my eyebrowns, shake my head, and laugh till i cry.
but im dancing with the freaks now.

Why Do Christians Have Trials?

To glorify God
Discipline for known sin
To prevent us from falling into sin
To keep us from pride. Paul was kept from pride by his "thorn in the flesh"
To build faith
To cause growth
To teach obedience and discipline
To equip us to comfort others
To prove the reality of Christ in us
For testimony to the angels
When faced with times of trouble remember that God loves you, He knows what is best for you, and He has a plan for your life

I just saw this off the net. maybe god is trying to tell me something. i have no idea whether homosexuality is correct anot. here i define homosexuality as mere attraction towards the same sex, no consideration whether u are attracted to the opp sex too ie bisexuality. since i do have feelings towards the same sex, i shall consider myself a homosexual in this context. i think tt whether its wrong or right in god's eyes, he has a plan for me. if its wrong, im sure he will eventually lead me in the correct path and to happiness of coz. and if its right, then he will lead me to happiness, be it with a man or a woman. i have no idea why i decided to post this, but i just had a surge of hope. =)

so there's a fire engine, an ambulance and a police car below my hse now. wonder if someone is trying to jump of the building. then again, 10 floors aint gg to kill you. it'll just snap more than a few of your bones, and leave you in your own personal hell for a few months. probably 20 floors would be a better bet. anyway, im addicted to eagle eye cherry. his music is so interesting. yesyes interesting is the word for me now. somehow i feel that i seem to be floating along with life. im not really aware of what im doing sometimes. its almost as if another person takes over and starts making decisions for me. i feel as if im on auto-pilot, then when i get back in control, ive no idea what ive done. amazing isnt it.

ok so im in a horrid mood once again. woke up with puffy eyes fr a lack of slp an aching muscles. rarrrr! its one of those days where u just HATE the world. yesyes the happy phrase is really short lived. as expected. so my parents are gg for ndp. they actually had a tic for me to go along to. but im totally NOT im the mood to see happy ppl singing at the top of their voices and waving the singapore flag frantically. seeing happy ppl makes me worse. sitting at home and sulking sounds soo much more appealing. hrms maybe i shall go to the beach for some quite time. then again, thered be happy ppl there too. =(

fuck. why do i always always fall for someone who's either straight or attached and gay. right. i shall go drown my sorrows now. tatas. this is a sign. a sign tt i shld be asexual.

you know sometimes u get the "oh my god, what the fucking hell am i doing feeling". well yes i am having that exact feeling now. great just great. i have no idea what im doing these days.

Why Oh Why?

an interesting video even tho id prefer cats

im happy and im sad. im sad coz i noe i wldnt be happy for long and im happy coz well im happy.

ahh... just back from wonderful japanese food outing with my sis and her gf. it was GREAT!! omg.. its like toriQ but a million types better and of coz a million times more ex.. wld have eating soo much more if not for the hefty price tag. hrmphs. heard tt my sis gf is leaving sg to study in california for 3 yrs! omg i told my sis" u no hope already with all the chio ang moh chicks there" lol. seriously la.. anyway since her gf will be gone soon my sis asked me to stay with her after my As. that's great! so i can club anytime i want. speaking of clubbing, i finally saw the wreched video her fren took of me at femme quest. i saw it on her MAC on full screen mode. and oh god, after 3 secs i cldnt watch it anymore. i am a slut as my sis said period. im so traumatised by myself im nv gg clubbing until i get over it. anyway, my sis bought me many many qute earrings fr the us. there are ladybirds, penguins, turtles etc. maybe i shall wear the turtle to sch tml.. hrmss... and she also got me a really cool badge and... my fave... PRIDE BEADS!! yay! its mardi gras beads actually. there's a story behind these beads but i'll save it for another time. too lazy to type the story... omg im in love w em!

and so im back from my very first gay pride event. it was a forum with 4 women sharing their life exp. from a variety of age ranges, 19 to 40 i think? touched on issues like coming out, labels, internalized homophobia etc. met this really cute gay guy ( too bad he's really gay, its always the case rite!!). he went like,"hi! are u thai?" then i was" no unfortunately im not. im jean!" ive had indonesian malay even... but thai?! tt's a lil weird. and he kept insisting tt i looked thai. seesh! anyway i saw someone interesting today! her name's grace and she has a really hot tattoo on her neck. btw shes 20 something. not totally out of my age range* im a sucker for tattoos!* but she wad a lil weird. hrms, as long as its not crazy weird im fine. lol. well at least i noe shes gay. so tt's like step one. not like mudeye. but one major drawback is tt shes older than me! oh in a totally unrelated note, she has big boobs. im not chee ko k.besides im not a boobs person. they kinda scare me. just an observation. as a geographer im supp to observe and be aware of my surroundings! lol shes prob attached anyway. there were sum butches there, and i was totally uncomfortable at the way they looked at me n jp. yikes... wth?

omg, my mum saw a pic of carmen and shane in bed on the comp! i was just blog surfing then she walked past a blog tt had the pic. so she asked" who's tt cool guy, ure friend's boyfriend ah?" i wanted to laugh out loud n say tt isnt a guy. but of coz i cldnt. so i just said yes lorh. ahahaha! wad was i to say? HILARIOUS! gg to a forum tonight. hope it'll be interesting. gosh im doing everything except studying. great! on a different note, i think the ppl tt needs enlightenment the most arnt getting it! anyway there's still room for improvement for everyone. im far from being openminded i think. there certain things tt i cant get myself to accept but, at least im trying

this is hilarious! well known movies with a lesbian twist!




each day we learn something new about the world and about ourselves and the ppl arnd us. yes i learnt something today. lets just say i just got more open minded today. period. anyway went to meet simone for lunch at fish n co then chilled out at my hse pool side. it felt great catching up with him again. one of the few ppl i can totally be myself with. oh and i forced my dad to watch v for vendetta. yes. felt a bit weird but yeah... he has to learn to be more open minded. oh n i cried again while watching the same part again just now! it was just too moving for me. sumhow the movie managed to relate to me time and time again. was wrong with me.

okay so i watched brokeback for the 3rd time. sumtimes i think the more times u watch a particular movie, the better it gets, the more u understand and learn to appreciate the meanings n purpose behind it. love the quotes! here's the famous one by jack twist "I wish I knew how to quit you" first time i watched the movie i was like oh ok. didnt really feel anything for the 2 men. the 2nd time, it was with the baddy ppl. i was too consumed by the sex scene. not really used to seeing 2 men getting it on yet. and the 3rd time i finally "got into" the film! ok im gg to dwnld v for vendetta and watch it again. loved it the 1st time n im sure it'll be great the 2nd. gosh! im sucha movie buff!

ok i shall indulge in being ultra idealistic. oh man! seriously, i needa strike lottery. with the $$ i shall get the hell outa sg for my education. aft what my ct said about all the despo predatory guys fresh fr ns in uni, i really am not looking forward to it. unless... i end up in arts n soc sci with tons of girls! but then they'd just be totally str like in jc. omg! its gg to be jc again! god help me, ive suffered enuff in these 2 yrs to last me a lifetime. guys here suck. girls are str. wth cld be worse? ahaha. the bloody l word has made me sooo idealistic. making me feel tt if i go to the states perhaps my own version of lara wld be there waiting to ask me out. hah. of coz it cld be the other way arnd too, but i wld dare to ask anyone out in the 1st place. bah. but if i went all the way there, and decided tt its not the life i really want, it'll be too late to go baq. and my parents wld also not be there to hear my whine whenever im sick. shit. im such a lil kid inside! =( ok i shall go back to the real world of books, studying and of just being miserable. oh yay.