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i am happier being unhappy. really. i cant help it, im a natural cynic.

i think im so gg to hate myself

while i was happily playing mahjong yesterday(happily winning mind you, pity we didnt play with real money), i saw the recent smoking advertisement on tv. mymy, was if gruesome. cracked lips, ulcers, bad teeth, and huge eyebags(i'll nv think of mine as bad again). all these to discourage ppl from smoking.
personally, i dont think it even works. it just makes ppl irritated. and frankly, i dont think they'd stop. i think them putting like pictures of oral cancers on ciggs packets are pretty ineffective. ppl wld just buy em and put them in a case of just turn the pack arnd so that you wont have to see it. i feel that the most effective method our govt has implemented regarding this issue wld be to raise the price of ciggs. besides, it helps the govt earn more money too. (where'd u think the taxes go to anyway).
if i were a policy maker(which wld be quite unlikely anyway), i think they shld research on why ppl are smoking first. some of the reasons are: to get high, to look cool and well out of habit. for group 3, its pretty unlikely that they'd quit. unless it gets too ex(so at least they'd cut down). as for group no. 1, the govt just has to find other healthier way for them to get high. so that just leaves group no. 2 then. which presents a v tough challenge. the govt has to totally erase the image of it being cool. for example: how the yoyo suddenly became uncool (albeit w/o the help of the govt). which is pretty hard, coz of the influence of holloywood. oh well, bottom line is i hope the public complains enough about the new adverts, coz i dont think it really serves its purpose well. besides it scares kids. just think of all the children out there having nightmares. tsk tsk

i have to say no, for the sake of my happiness and sanity. i really hope i do manage to stand firm when the time comes. i'll just have to learn to say no to ppl. u cant be nice to everyone.

today i was in such a crappy mood after work tt, when someone bumped into me at the mrt station, i nearly wanted to hit the bugger. my elbow was raised, thank god i held back. was kind of freaked out by my reaction later of coz. im such a typical taurus.
ok so ive finally made my decision with regards to uni admission. nus: law then arts. ntu mass comm. smu law then accounting. in this way, ive got a wide range of degrees to choose from if my law bid fails. which of coz i hope wldnt! if i do get in, its almost as if a chapter of my like has come to an end. like a part of my world doesnt matter anymore.
i seriously cant wait for the weekend. since i welcomed the week with overtime today.

imaredheadimaredheadimaredhead!
=)
141 bucks well spent. got rid of my blonde streaks and changed the base colour to a warmer brown. the cuts pretty interesting too. guai yet with a lil spunk. just the way i like things. im so glad i went to the usual person, even tho eric sugg tt its coz shes hot. no way im gg back to reds(as he rec someone fr there). one shock was enough. really. i have a weak heart. and so i spent 2 1/2 hrs seated at the salon. the things i sacrifice just to look good.. too much! but as i said, it helps to have sth nice to look at in the meantime.
i am such a happy girl! =) we'll see how it turns out. we'll see.

i think im the kind of person who wld be unhappy being happy. both me and eric said tt we were "happier" when we wernt. oh how strange. i guess sometimes being happy its too tiring, and me being so nua these days, being unhappy seems so much easier. not to mention its a more familiar feeling. oh no im being too angsty. as i said i need to grow up, these kind of feelings were like outdated 3 years ago?

=)

im so glad i finally got rid of my sucky tuition job. so long lil fuckers! i really cant help u if ure like dense rite? really i swear it took off like a year of my life from all the stress it was giving me. and i so nearly lost my temper coz if it a few times. come to think of it, its been really long since ive gotten pissed. must be becoz ive stopped badminton. oh wells. back then it was quite bad. showed the ugly side of me. yay! the day seems brighter. that was certianly a huge load of my shoulders. now, sat night isnt so dreadful anymore.
as i said this totally frees up some of my time. great. more time and energy to concentrate on the more impt things in my life nw.
lalala! life's looks like it MIGHT be getting better. we'll see, we'll see.

all i asked for was a relatively quiet day at work. perhaps a bill or two to do. after all i had barely 3 hrs of slp. but no, the old man up there has a sick sick sense of humour. not only did i have to spend half my day being a 'despatch guy', i had overtime too.
first, the despatch thing. there was only one guy avaliable today, and we had some impt docs. so i had to cab to places like the embassy of venezuala and ipos. cabbing there is alrite, but not taking a bus back to office. i was like lost near smu, coz i didnt noe what buses go back to the office and the mrt was far. all that taking place whilst i was in the blistering sun. lovely.
by the time i ended work, it was alrdy 8 and i was beat. not to mention, my back was like hurting like fuck. mon's gg to be worse. how nice.
i realised that the whole world has sped wayy ahead of me in terms of EQ. really. what happened to the sec sch days when everyone was soo shy? am i the only some who's still stuck there? hah. i needa grow up.

oh everything's so fucked up right now.
really, there are times when i feel like saying fuck you. just coz im too pissed to talk. cldnt things get any better?

i guess i shld be happy with what i got. yet, im not. perhaps its coz ppl naturally always are not satisfied. i dont see how i can be happy if some of my friends arnt. and so i ended up unusually blue today. even turned down a drink offer. in fact i was pretty stressed out, so much so tt i went for a massage w eric. tt helped slightly. oh wells.
ok stock-take on life. almost everything is in order. save the fact that there are a few things bugging me, life is generally ok. but, im not happy. yes, i am momentarily happy when im with my friends but like today, when i was walking home at night, the crunch of my sandels against the gravel road and the shadow i casted upon the road, made me.. kind of well sad? told eric i need to attain enlightenment. i need a purpose in life. its not like i dont try, ive read a christian book on that subject, but as u can see, it wasnt very useful.
and now comes the tiring process of choosing a uni course. now i truely get the meaning when ppl say A lvls results are not tt impt. if i dont get into law, it wldnt even matter if i get like 0 A's or 4. argh, i just need sth to perk me up. and i dont mean coffee.

today was a terrible day.
1st the goddamn weather. i was chilly and wet.
next, the freaking unsteady ladder on which i had to use to retrieve files. this is one such occasion when being tall is not gd, center of gravity is not low. me being slightly heavy also made it sway more.
then, me being nice, helped out rozi and did overtime so she cld go home to celebrate her son's bdae. unfort, i got crap from my boss. i had to wait damn long just to get things approved.
worst thing is, nth happened today that wld even perk me up one bit. even the food i had today was bad. a total waste of calories. which reminds me i need to exercise soon.
for 56 dollars a day(thereabouts), i really am shaving off mths off my lifespan.